A few morning donut holes (because this first item is bothersome enough to depress me into not frying up my usual baker’s dozen of full-size donuts):

DONUT HOLE 1: All you really need is the headline from buddy Richie Whitt’s Dallas Observer report from Josh Howard’s charity appearance over the weekend:

Josh Howard Is Neither Humbled Nor Apologetic

Cripes.

DONUT HOLE 2: Dirk and Kaman and Germany still loses, 106-57, to Team USA?  Don’t feel bad, UberMan; Team USA is 5-0 and is winning games by an average of 32 ppg.

DONUT HOLE 3: Michael Finley – rumored to be in talks to boomerang back to Dallas – instead re-ups with the Spurs. Good. We’ve got plenty of that. Furthermore, the whole thing was a ruse. The Mavs were never as interested in Fin as Fin’s agent was interested in trumping up interest in his client. And why weren’t the Mavs interested in Fin?

We’ve got plenty of that, that’s why.

DONUT HOLE 3: In an attempt to further depress me, a former Pacer is bitching about what coach Rick Carlisle is capable of.  But wait. The bitcher is Sarunas Jasikevicious?

Wake me up when a complaint is registered against Carlisle by an accuser whose name I can spell.

1140am aug 18 2008

Here’s your Dallas Mavericks’ 2008 preseason schedule – or, as they used to call NFL grouped training camps in the Upper Midwest – “The Cheese League.’’

The Mavs open the practice-game slate with a home game against Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison and the Washington Wizards on October 7. But then, The Cheese League begins: Four straight games on the road: At the Chicago Bulls (Oct. 9), at the Milwaukee Bucks in gorgeous La Crosse, Wisconsin (Oct. 10), at the Indiana Pacers (Oct. 15) and at the Detroit Pistons (Oct.16). 

It’ll be homecoming week for the Mavs’ new coaching staff; between head coach Rick Carlisle (the former top dog in Detroit and Indiana) and assistants Terry Stotts and Dwane Casey (head coaches, assistant coaches and this summer, job interviewees in The Cheese League), I’m sure the Dallas staff will know where all the Hooters are.

 Anyway, then come the remaining three homies: against Sacramento (Oct. 18), Chicago (Oct. 21) and Indiana (Oct. 23). We will get to know those Bulls and those Pacers intimately, eh?

The preseason schedule is as follows:

DATE                OPPONENT      TIME (CT)         ARENA

Oct. 7               Washington        7:30 p.m.          American Airlines Center

Oct. 9               at Chicago          7:30 p.m.          United Center

Oct. 10             at Milwaukee      7:30 p.m.          La Crosse Center

Oct. 15             at Indiana           6 p.m.               Conseco Fieldhouse

Oct. 16             at Detroit            6:30 p.m.          Palace of Auburn Hills

Oct. 18             Sacramento        8 p.m.               American Airlines Center

Oct. 21             Chicago             7:30 p.m.          American Airlines Center

Oct. 23             Indiana               7:30 p.m.          American Airlines Center

144pm aug 14 2008

   Two DallasSportsMediaWatchDog notes. … because somebody in this town has to:

   DSMWD Note 1: A very flattering comment about our work on DB.com Boards in this thread  in which ‘mcod’ writes that “db.com is always the first internet stop (because of) Fish's great coverage of the Mavs and the ‘Boys!’’

   Flattering. … except don’t think for a moment that the 75-Member Staff doesn’t occasionally bump its shin on other junk, like, say, Texas Rangers baseball.

   Jon Heyman – the terrific national baseball writer for SportsIllustrated.com - has the following note in his Monday column: 

  "Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe suggested that Rangers president Nolan Ryan will convince club owner Tom Hicks to spend this winter. And that may be so, but I'm told that what Ryan would most like is to convince Hicks to sell -- that is, to sell the team to him. There is no evidence to this point that Hicks is interested in selling, though."

    It’s a great note. Juicy stuff. … yet, it sounds vaguely familiar. …

   Remember the scoop our Larry Legend of Yankees 'N More wrote for DallasBasketball.com the morning of Nolan Ryan's vague presser? You know, the one with SOURCES promising that Ryan would “having complete control’’ of the Rangers?

    Yeah, we bumped our shins on that first. And on the ownership angle, too.

    In that DB.com story – written way back on Feb. 6, mind you -- there were these two graphs:

   “Also, if Ryan does indeed have a piece of the ownership in this deal, it COULD be the first step to his buying the Rangers. Ryan has the money, and has approached Hicks about buying the team before, but Hicks refused to sell.

   “Hicks might continue to refuse to sell, of course. But if ownership is involved, this could be the first step in a direction that leads to the Texas Rangers being owned by Nolan Ryan."

    We broke that story on Feb. 6 of this year, making Heyman the second person to report that Ryan wants to buy the Rangers.

    So a backpat for Larry Legend. And yes, Dear Reader, we would both like a raise.

   DSMWD Note 1: I am also flattered from a piece of correspondence I received on Monday from a very successful “niche’’ magazine publisher who kindly notes that he reads DallasBasketball.com “religiously. I am a die-hard Mavericks fan, and read everything I can regarding the Mavericks and any moves that they may make. And I enjoy your takes on a lot of things about the Mavericks that I am not privy to, which makes DallasBasketball.com one of my daily must-reads.’’

    Of course, after all that, there must be a “but,’’ eh? The publisher also says that while he feels the Dallas Morning News is somewhat dismissive of his particular niche, he nevertheless thinks my critique of the DMNews blogging work of Jean-Jacques Taylor is “way out of line.’’ And he wants to understand my motivation. So I’ll share with you the essence of what I wrote back to the publisher:

   “Your feedback (not to mention your flattering words) means a lot to me. Certainly, part of my motivation is to counterpunch at Taylor for his arrogant remarks about me and you and others like us; we would not be 'more relevant' if we presently worked at a major-metro daily; I worked in the newspaper business, as you know, for 20 years. I NEVER was arrogant to think that I "mattered'' in any special way. I never looked down at guys from smaller publications, as Taylor clearly does.

   So taking a personal jab was certainly on my list of things to do there.

   But there is a bigger picture: The DMNews, so long 'king,' is suddenly scrambling to be "relevant,'' to cut itself some new niches (they'd be wise to ask you how to do it, frankly). And in doing so, they are not getting more efficient, more productive, or even more lean (a goal of all the job cuts).

   Rather, JJT’s blog is evidence that they are only getting MORE SLOPPY.

   When I make an error -- typo, misjudgment, whatever -- I am very comfortable with the feedback, the criticism, etc. (In fact, largely due to my talk-show life, I thrive on the criticism -- it shows somebody is paying attention!) Indeed, I frequently get emails or comments on DB.com Boards about my errors and scramble to fix 'em; while I am my own editor, in that sense, our "community'' of 11,000 daily readers really does serve as my de facto "75-Member Staff.’’

   So in summary, the fact that JJT does a poor job, does it arrogantly and does it while needlessly flailing away at "nobodies'' like us is why I occasionally man-up and punch back.

   And why “punch back’’? I mean, what’s in it for me? Why take a swing at the king?

   Because, like I said, somebody in this town has to.

700am  aug 12 08

The Cowboys have been camping for less than two weeks, and the big award is six months away from being earned. So, as we twiddle our football thumbs in anticipation of something resembling "real football'' (this weekend!) let’s give away some little awards.

MOST WORKMANLIKE PLAYER IN CAMP: There are other tight ends in the league who run faster or jump higher or have more tattoos. But Jason Witten – a security blanket so valued by Tony Romo that the QB says he’ll retire as soon as Witten does – may be among the most consistent players at any position in all of football. At camp, he’s been almost robotic in his high level of performance. He is this Cowboys generation’s version of Daryl Johnson … except Witten can run faster and jump higher. WORST DISAPPOINTMENT IN CAMP: It’s an awfully short list. Um, Dave Campo’s not wearing a wetsuit? Jessica Simpson’s not wearing a swimsuit? We’ll go with Terence Newman’s groin injury. As deep as Dallas suddenly is in the secondary, a Pacman/T-New tandem at the corners (with Anthony Henry as a nickel back?) represents a Dream Team. Newman limping around for a couple of weeks on a groin that, when it comes to recovery time, can have a mind of its own? Nightmarish. MOST PLEASANT SURPRISE OF CAMP: Admit it. You were prepared to endure Pacman Jones being a complete idiot, a jackass, a cancer. You were going to put up with it as long as he helped you win football games. Well, he’s done nothing idiotic, nothing jackassish, nothing cancerous. He seems like a kid who might be a bit rudderless when it comes to off-the-field decisions. … but who is completely in his element on the field. He is confident without being arrogant, he is flashy without being empty, and he’s being cooperative (with the media, coaches and teammates, all of whom seem to dig him) without losing his edge. At the risk of overselling this deal – and of course, we’re still waiting to hear from the Commissioner – I’m going to go out on this limb: I used to watch Deion Sanders in practice every day. Pacman Jones has been pretty close to Deionesque. TOP TACKLER OF CAMP: We’ll go with the rangy Zach Thomas, who is going to give Bradie James a tackling run for his money. Thomas, the long-time Miami Pro Bowler, last year played just five games for the Dolphins and yet recorded a rather astounding 58 tackles. He’s not necessarily the top tackler in terms of blowing people up – once the regular-season gun is sounded, Roy Williams will do all he can to win that award – but Thomas is absolutely the top guy in camp when it comes to using his guile, his instincts, his toughness, his quickness and his will to get to the ball. He won’t end up being an every-down ‘backer; Dallas is too deep to bother asking him to do that. But when he is on the field, he’ll be a tackle-every-available-ballcarrier ’backer. TOP HITTER IN CAMP: “Hitter’’ as opposed to “tackler’’ because Marion Barber III never gets to tackle anybody – but that doesn’t stop him from hitting. Whether it’s in pass protection on with the ball in his hands, MB3’s fattened wallet hasn’t changed his punishing approach. TOP BLOCKER OF CAMP: Flozell Adams. Once the games begin, he’ll encounter a few problems with false-start penalties. But otherwise, he’ll do in games what he does in practice: execute almost flawlessly to protect the gilded quarterback’s blind side. TOP NEWCOMER IN CAMP: Pacman and Zach have already been cited. Let’s spread the wealth in anticipation of what rookies Mike Jenkins and Felix Jones might be able to do. We can hope cornerback Jenkins is never called upon this year, but in camp, when he takes his turns, he fits right in with other bigger-named defensive backs who, as a group, might be the NFL’s best secondary. (Oh, and with T-New hurt, some of the turns Jenkins takes are with the first team.) We can hope Felix isn’t needed, too. But given Marion Barber’s running style, we wouldn’t count on that. Felix runs with an enthusiasm, and a freshness, that could come in handy as MB3 absorbs pounding into December. MOST IMPROVED OFFENSIVE PLAYER: Offensive lineman Joe Berger might be the unit’s sixth man. Or he might be the fifth. MOST IMPROVED DEFENSIVE PLAYER: Roy Williams. That’s what the coaches tell me. Seriously. I dunno. … maybe he’ll be improved because he’ll play less, be Peter Principled less? But he’s had a good camp. So let’s hope for more of the same. TOP OFFENSIVE PLAYMAKER IN CAMP: Hundreds of “ahhs’’ and “oohs’’ and eyes cannot be wrong, and when the ball is in the air, and the target is Terrell Owens, and the two are about to meet. … the tantalizing anticipation is palpable. The other pass-catchers in camp are attempting to master the “little things’’; route-running and concentration and footwork. T.O. is miles ahead of everybody in large part because he’s a master of the “big things.’’ The largest of those “big things,’’ of course, is touchdowns. But the deal where he hands out personalized T-shirts to different position groups (and even to some media members)? If you believe in camp chemistry, in team chemistry, T-shirts can be a “big thing,’’ too. TOP DEFENSIVE PLAYMAKER IN CAMP: Coaches are supposed to say things like, “Well, we can’t really judge until we get into full contact, when the bullets are really flying, the real games, you know.’ … But coaches are not bothering to blabber “wait-and-sees’’ with Demarcus Ware. It’s there. You can see it. Part of the reason for it: Even when it’s just a drill, in shorts and shells, Demarcus Ware is still performing as if the bullets ARE flying. CAMP MVP: Tony Romo is so comfortable in his role as the centerpiece of the franchise that he’s experimenting in camp with different footwork, different throwing angles, stuff like that. … It’s the sort of things long-time veterans do, but the Dallas quarterback – as young as he is -- is ready to stride into that “long-time veteran’’ mode. The “aw-shucks’’ crap isn’t going to work with the public forever; you can’t be a superstar QB contending for a Super Bowl while dating a Hollywood starlet and still go on forever pretending you are Jethro Bodine. But everything he does works with the people on the team, and the rest of the fellas – black and white, offensive and defensive, rich and less rich, rally around him. TOP REMINDER IN CAMP THAT DALLAS DOES NOT SUCK: No gloating here, but it seems like forever ago that Bill Parcells was the tyrannical Dallas coach and that Quincy Carter was the lost-soul Dallas quarterback. … And now they are reunited in Miami? After less than two weeks of NFL training camp, the Dolphins are like most teams: they can only dream of being able to collect the bling the way the Cowboys might. Dallas does not suck.   Basketball Goals

900am aug 6 2008

Time to make the donuts. …

DONUT 1: If we’re gonna make up Josh Howard trades out of thin air, I suppose a Josh-for-Iguodala is as viable as the next one.

DONUT 2: Dirk dunking backwards (see photo), signing autographs for Chinese girls (see more photo below-below), and saying that sleeping in the Olympic Village “is indeed the charm of the Games.’’ (No, ladies, you’ll see no photos of The UberMan sleeping charmingly.)

DONUT 3: A fake update to Josh Howard’s website.

DONUT 4: Does Team USA think J-Kidd is running out of gas NOW? http://dallasbasketballdotcom.yuku.com/topic/16976

DONUT 5: Brett Favre coming to the Vikings! I’ll celebrate and puke, all at the same time.

DONUT 6: Three random DB.com Boards headlines that speak to the depth of depth over there: a) “Forget the 18yo blonde.Your wife is beautiful. Go and make love to her.’’ b) “I went to a whorehouse with James Donaldson in 1985.’’ c) Go To Hell...It's a Kristofferson song, so it's OK.’’

DONUT 7: You have my permission to add this to your “Everybody Else Is Making Moves And We’re Not!’’ List: The Spurs are talking to Pargo.

DONUT 8: TheBigLead with a funny: “Williams’’ is the most popular name in the NBA. Ten years from now, it’ll be “Kemp.’’

DONUT 9: For what it’s worth: I find nobody at Mavs HQ who thinks Denver is going to let JR Smith go. To Cleveland, or anyplace else.

DONUT 10: An Can I take another poke at Chad Ford’s review of the Mavs? (See “Fish or Cut Bait.) Chad writes, “And that huge $30 million-plus contract that they gave DeSagana Diop will come back to haunt them the same way that $60 million-plus contract they gave to Erick Dampier did.’’

That doesn’t even make mathematical sense. For Diop to be the “same’’ “problem’’ as Damp at half the money, Diop would have to actually be twice the “problem.’’ … and/or only half as productive as Damp.

Chad Ford is clearly not a fan of either Mavs center. But as bad as he thinks Dampier is. … he thinks he’s twice as good as ‘Gana?

DONUT 11: Who does Paul Pierce think he is? Josh Howard, or something?

740am aug 5 2008

Mark Cuban may be the “leader of the pack’’ when it comes to his potential purchase of the Chicago Cubs. Otherwise, there’s not much new on the thing – except for a New York Times story on the affairs that unearths up a few interesting tidbits from a Cuban/Mavs angle.

And let me note, before we dig in: Around here, after eight years, it’s pretty tough to tell us something we don’t know about Cuban/Mavs. So hats off to author Richard Sandomir for. …

·         Telling us that while Tony Cubes’ bid is a much-ballyhooed $1.3 billion, “four other individuals and groups have given the debt-laden Tribune Company nonbinding offers of at least $1 billion for the team, its stake in Comcast SportsNet Chicago, and 92-year-old Wrigley Field. My question: Is the .3 enough to get Commissioner Bowl Cut to do something I don’t believe he wants to do?

·         Revealing to us of the contents of a Cuban email to the Times that reads in part, “I think the owner of any major sports franchise has two jobs: first, it’s to work hard to win a championship year after year, and second, to be the caretaker of the franchise in the community.” This is a sentiment shared with us by Cuban on many occasions. But re-stating it in a new context is salve for any worried Mavs fan.

·         Noting that Cuban has not been fined in two years by N.B.A. Commissioner David Stern. Probably worth reminding the world of that.

·         Helps debunk the myth that Cuban is a bad partner in the NBA, or a problematic one for Commissioner David Stern. “He lives in the here and the now,” Stern said. “In every issue we have to deal with, he freely expresses his views to me, some of which I’m happier to hear than others, but all are welcome.” He added, “He would be an effective owner in most businesses.” Added Cuban: The “biggest surprise to people will be how wrong the press always is in their characterizations of our relationship.” And one more from Stern: “His absence of mellow is in some ways his strongest trait,” he said.

·         Gives us this fresh Cuban quote: “Multiple N.B.A. owners have asked if they could participate in our attempts to purchase the Cubs.” I did not know that.

·         And finally, this piece of newsy news – and no, I was never aware of this either: Dave Checketts, the president of Madison Square Garden at the time, said that if Cuban’s lack of decorum (in his early years as owner) had not been more than balanced by the Mavericks’ rapid turnaround, “He would have been dead, and we would have found a way to take the franchise from him.”

Wow. Not only did I not know that, I really never even imagined that.

1000am aug 4 2008

Congratulations to me for offering the finest Cowboys coverage from any basketball site in the world! Here's ‘Fish’s 10 Hairy-Chested Takes’ from Camp Cowboys:

10. You want every detail you could possibly know about Adam “Pacman’’ Jones? OK,  here goes.

“I’m blind. Real blind,’’ he says, explaining why he is experimenting with tinted prescription Nike contacts lens. (Is there anything Nike’s doesn’t make? What’s next? Nike cereal? Nike cars? Nike condoms?)

Pac’s eyes may be red (it’s tough getting used to new contacts) but his game is red-hot. He’s been spectacular in every way, from his behavior to his punt-returning skills.

“I’m having so much fun again,” Pacman says. “I missed this game more than I ever thought I could.”

9. You won’t read this anywhere else – it’s too much fun to bask in the glory of what the new Cowboys stadium in Arlington will be, even for the media. But the thing is not exactly selling like hotcakes at this moment.

Now, this moment is the dead of summer, and the organizational focus is 2000 miles away, and the grand opening is a year away. But some of the staff members who made Texas Stadium the place to be in the early ‘90’s (and did so before the team was any good) are no longer with the company. There are growing pains. Maybe some overpricing of luxury suites. Maybe some skepticism about Jerry peddling off every last brick in the place to anyone who wants their name stamped on the thing for a price.

Of course, as soon as Jerry talks a corporate sponsor into coughing up a half-billion-plus for naming rights, the Cowboys won’t have to worry about selling personal bricks.

8. Don’t get hurt, Demarcus Ware.

Is it just me, or when you hear that the pass-rusher tweaks his back, you want to treat him like a QB, or maybe even like a valued old kicker, and just envelope him in bubble wrap and say, ‘See you in September, D-Ware’’?

7. My gentle suggestion earlier this week that Terence Newman is on the verge of being labeled “fragile’’ is, unfortunately, coming true. He’ll miss three weeks with the groin. You know what his assignment should be during those three weeks? Serving as a behavioral watchdog on Adam Jones. Because the more T-New sits, the more Dallas REALLY needs that Pacman-is-reinstated news.

6. Old friend Larry Lacewell is in Oxnard, looking more and more like John McCain but still acting like the affable friend to Jerry Jones and the Cowboys that he’s always been. The ex-scouting chief did a radio interview with Dale Hansen that harkened back to the Hansen-Switzer conflict when Lace played the role of his close friend Barry by closing the interview with a punch to the broadcaster’s shoulder.

“Switzer said to tell you hi,’’ Lacewell quipped.

5. There are things about Chris Simms that people do not like – especially if they are Longhorn haters. But if you don’t think Dallas should trade a late-rounder for a young, ex-NFL starter who wants to be in Texas to serve as Tony Romo’s backup, then you don’t know anything about football.

Either that, or you are Brad Johnson’s mom, or something.

Or you are Wade Phillips, trying to say the right thing. “Brad understands the game,” Phillips said. “He audibles into the best plays. He doesn’t throw interceptions or take sacks. Those are all things we can fall back on and feel good about it. He gives us confidence.”

No, Wade, he does not.

4. One long-time NFL receiver called me the other day to comment on the Cowboys’ receiving corps. “If T.O. goes down, they are in big trouble,’’ he said. “Terry Glenn couldn’t pass the physical, plain and simple. And most of those other kids have never accomplished anything. Big trouble.’’

And just as he said that to me, Sam Hurd dropped another practice pass.

3. One media outlet is writing that Zach Thomas “is better than ever.’’ Silliest thing written all camp so far. Zach can be good, 10-tackles-a-game good. He can even be a Pro Bowl-level player. But if we’re asking him to be BETTER than he’s been before the age and the concussions, we’re asking too much.

2. Camp competition? Not much, when it comes to starting jobs. But mark this own: offensive lineman Joe Berger, linebacker Kevin Burnett and cornerback Mike Jenkins are comers.

1. Earthquake! … Or else Leonard Davis was playing “Dive-For-The-Catch’’ Nerf Football on his hotel-room bed.

1011am aug 3 2008

DONUT 1: The thing about the Ron Artest-vs.-Yao Ming Insultathon  is that there really might be something being lost in the translation to English of one of the player’s comments.

Oh, and Yao doesn’t speak very understandable English, either.

Seriously, I’m stealing from DB.com Boards a very clever portrayal of Houston-bound Ron Artest as a Trojan horse. He’s already causing trouble with trade demands and verbal wars with teammates and whatnot … and he’s not even officially traded yet!

I love the part about Ron-Ron insisting that he’s “still ghetto.’’ The guy is a grown man, lives in Sacramento and makes $7 mil a year. Isn’t “ghetto’’ kind of a ruse? Like, ain’t you be frontin’, bro?

DONUT 2: Josh Howard takes a respectful poke at The Lil’ Deposed General.

DONUT 4: A strong dig at the self-indulgence of ESPN and Stuart Scott.

DONUT 5: New Dallas Star Sean Avery enjoys hunting the cougar. Especially if she used to be married to Calvin Klein.

DONUT 6: Buster Olney is going all self-righteous about fake time-stamping for scoops (let the link explain). While he is correct on an individual level, the company he works for makes him the wrong guy to argue about the proper execution of scoops. ESPN remains the WorldWide Leader in stealing other outlets’ stories and claiming them as their own.

DONUT 7: Nellie wins his $6-mil lawsuit against Tony Cubes, but both dudes walk away feeling vindicated. Nellie gets the money he was owed from before Cuban owned the team, and gets to announce that he’d planned to be “the Red Auerbach of the Mavs.’’ Cuban gets to confirm with his own ears that Nellie was flirting with other teams even while he was employed here. Oh, and Nellie's lawyer gets to gloat like a teenager who just got his first kiss.

I bet there’s much more to this story. But I really just want it to go away.

DONUT 8: And now, Nellie, can you please quit whining? The “Pismo Beach Panthers’’ underdog shtick wore thin years ago. … and now, the financial version of it – “($6 mil) is like a pimple on his behind, but (it’s) a big number for me’’ – is insulting.

DONUT 9: The Packers might bribe Brett Favre into staying retired by giving him $20 mil? Brett, you should be ashamed of yourself.

DONUT 10: What’s old friend Eric Montross up to? Politics! 

DONUT 11: Happy 50^th Birthday, Tony Cubes!

DONUT 12: My man Tim Cowlishaw edges toward predicting the Mavs won’t make the playoffs. Cowly, any time you’re writing about the Mavs, it’s a good. But it’s August 1. Chill.

Artest photo courtesy of  Hardwood Paroyysm

1040am aug 1 2008

Following up on D Mag’s item on Brett Hull and Mike Modano deciding to open up a restaurant together, I rolled over and engaged Mo in a little pillow talk.

“Yeah, we’re going to try to have it ready in time for football season, for September,’’ Modano tells DallasBasketball.com. “It’ll be kind of an upscale sports-themed deal, a restaurant, and then a big room in back for the guys to hang out.’’

After making sure I would be allowed to “hang out’’ (and at brother-in-law prices, I would damn sure assume), I asked more about the motif. And yeah, it’ll be pretty Dallas Stars/hockey intense. Plus, I’m sure, football and junk. Mo was quite the tall, skinny junior-high quarterback back in the Detroit suburbs, you know.

“Hully and his dad (the equally legendary Bobby Hull) are coming up with a lot of stuff, classy memorabilia, old hockey photos and keepsakes, plus other sports stuff,’’ Mo said. “All classy, though.’’

The restaurant side of the establishment – which will reportedly be in the Quadrangle -- will be overseen by Eddie Cervantes, who just sold out of Primos (the legendary McKinney Ave. hangout of sportswriters and jocks and SMU trust-fund babies and other pretty people.) I reminded Modano that one drunken night a decade ago, the idea of a restaurant was supposed to result in a “Fish & Mo’s.’’ So since I actually owned some intellectual property on the Modano-hotspot thing before Brett Hull was even a twinkle in Dallas’ eye. …

“OK, fine, you eat free,’’ Modano told me. “But don’t tell Brett and Eddie.’’

So, they took away my dream. They took away my spirit. But they can never take away my freedom ... to eat and drink at discounted prices.

718am july 31 2008

So there’s this woman, and I’m quite taken with her and sometime soon, I’m probably going to “pop the question.’’ (The question being, “When are we getting naked here?’’) And my natural human purity will likely require me to come clean about a few things me that are, well, a tad embarrassing.

For instance: I use words like "tad.''

Also, I really enjoy seeing my name in print. I mean, crackhead-like it. It can be industry gossip about me getting back into radio (like here and here) or it can be about how terrible I am at ordering wine or it can be how Alan Peppard spotted me playing polo in the Hamptons. (Well, it could!) Positive, negative, bring it on, bitches. … the only thing that ever offends me is when it’s misspelled “Fischer.’’ (I’m not a man to waste a ‘c.’)

Another thing is that I like to go to movies. Lots of them. All of them. During the day. Often by myself. Like today, I went to “Step Brothers,’’ and I must say: If you are a Ferrell/McKay/Apatow sort of film consumer, you will laugh your balls off. (Testicles, in fact, play a major supporting role in the flick.)

I also use movie quotes as words to live by. And why not? Why can’t Will Ferrell be his era’s Shakespeare?

(OK, Twain.)

( Um, Jerry Lewis?)

For instance, a trio of  “Step Brothers’’ quotes to live by:

1 “We like to s--t with the door open, talk about p---y, and go on riverboat gambling trips. … and make our own beef jerky.’’

2 “OK, Martha Stewart, Oprah, your wife. You gotta f--k one, kill one, and marry one, who do you pick?’’

1 “I was deep-sea fishing with Mark Cuban, ‘Cubes.’ …’’

And see, that’s pretty much my life right there. Fake macho posturing. Boasting about my friendship with Mark Cuban. Fantasizing about having an Oprahgasm (I'm copywriting that). Throw in something about the Vikings, M&Ms, my God, Motown music, and my mom and my sons, and my life is full, right there.

Of course, now that I like this one woman, I'm gonna have to break it off with Oprah. …

647pm july 30 2008

More Artest-not-to-Dallas stuff, plus some other junk from Camp Cowboys, and I’ll tell you how I’ll do this: The mood is, at this moment, dark in Dallas; as I write this, it’s even raining! Meanwhile, in Oxnard, it’s all milk and sunshine and unicorns.

So I’ll alternate items. A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. …

MAVS ITEM: Our man David Lord’s response to our “Ron-To-Rox Reax’’ column:

“Fish, I liked your piece because it strongly implies that the Mavs are doing something, that they have a plan, etc

But in light of the recent history with "we like our team" and the failed-but-openly-touted Garnett chase and the failed-but-openly-touted Kobe chase and the openly-touted plans to be very active this summer (this is "active"?) and all that, put me down as
(a) leery, and
(b) pissed, if they do nothing when they are repeatedly giving out indications they have things in the works that could bring a breath of fresh air and obvious improvement.

I don't mind them doing nothing, if that's the best option that's out there. I firmly believe impatience can kill a franchise. But continuously blowing smoke up our butts? That part turns my stomach, and I hope that's not what we're getting.’’

David’s position is, I think, reflective of many Mavs fans this morning: Measured pissedness. 

COWBOYS ITEM: Some Cowboys officials are privately chuckling about the problems Green Bay is having holding the reins on Brett Favre. Wasn’t the Dallas management team supposed to be alternatively weak and lacking in self-control? Aren’t the Dallas players the one who are supposed to be drama queeny?

I won’t mention any names of any suits (or, because it’s training camp, any shorts/golf shirts/’D’ ballcaps), but there are Cowboys bigshots who see this as proof that America’s Team’s rep as “bad boys’’ and the Packers’ rep as “good Midwestern stock’’ is a good Midwestern crock.

Meanwhile, they’d just as soon the Packers continue this Mississippi pissin’ match. Favre in limbo keeps Green Bay in limbo. And Favre going to Minnesota makes the Vikings a legit NFC threat to the favored ‘Boys.

MAVS ITEM: A response to D-Lord’s mention of the “failed-but-openly-touted Garnett chase’’ screed is probably needed here. … because it’s the only part of his item that I strongly disagree with.

It wasn’t “openly-touted’’; the KG scoop was a story broken by DallasBasketball.com. It was never their intention to “tout’’ it. We just worked the hell out of the thing one weekend.

To the cynical reader with knowledge of my Mavs’ personal and professional connections, there is no way I can quite explain how “non-conspiratorial’’ most of our stories are. They are not dictated to me by Cuban (we leave such puppeteering to George Bush and FOX News) and they are not orchestrated by a network of Mavs officials, one contacting me while another looks on approvingly.

It’s not bothersome to me in part because I’m used to it; this horseshit started 18 years ago, when my competition on Cowboys coverage scrambled to explain to their bosses and to their audiences why they were getting their asses handed to them on a daily basis by this new kid from out of town. One VERY prominent DMNews writer stormed into the office of a Cowboys vice president and, angered by the belief that said VP was my “secret source,’’ leaped across the exec’s desk and grabbed him by the lapels, crying that it “wasn’t fair.’’ Another rather prominent gent, Skip Bayless, once explained my success by telling his audience that I was on Jerry’s payroll, and that as a matter of fact I was driving a car that Jerry had purchased for me.

Two things about that:

1 I’m about ready to forgive Skip for that; all he has to do for me, after seeing his skeletal presence on ESPN the other day, is to EAT SOMETHING! Jesus, man, you’ve got the Green Goblin’s head on Amy Winehouse’s body! Mix in a pizza!

2 Jerry, can I have a car?

In summary: There is no Cuban/Donnie/Carlisle/Dirk/Fish conspiracy. All there is, is people trying to do their jobs. All there is, is me collecting information from them and then presenting it to you (colored by my biases or mood or limited talents, maybe, but not colored by some Big Brotherish plan of Mass Manipulation.)

With Jerry and me, the accusations resulted in my radio-show producers labeling me “Backpocket Boy,’’ and it became a good bit. I guess some of the factors here make up the price I pay for being perceived as Cuban's “Backpocket Boy.’’ But believe me, if what I write is the “company line’’ being fed me, it’s done without my knowledge.

Now, Jerry, if you won’t give me a car. … Mark? Mr. Cuban? Anybody?

COWBOYS ITEM: Roy Williams has a new jersey number (38) and a new attitude. Or so he says.

Quote from Roy: “I can't worry about what everyone else is saying. I'm not going to respond to foolish things. I'm not going to question who I am and my relationship with Christ for anybody.’’

The fact that he’s talking about his faith there is acceptable; I try to never question anyone’s devotion, even when it seems that they are using religion to hide from real responsibility. But I will question this part, the part about Roy not “worrying about what everyone else is saying.’’

Roy’s rabbit ears are, in fact, the worst part of his game. And frankly, given some of his flaws, that’s saying something.

MAVS ITEM: We said yesterday that Luol Deng wasn’t going to be dealt out of Chicago (““Luol Deng isn’t coming here,’’ a Dallas source had told me) and as I was typing, the Bulls were inking Deng to a six-year, $70-mil deal.

COWBOYS ITEM: As of Monday, Terence Newman was giddily unconcerned about the groin that kept him out of much work. Maybe that meant the injury is nothing, or maybe the light-heartedness was just a product of T-New’s standard giddiness. But he’s valuable goods, maybe fragile goods (he missed the first two games of ’07 after a “not-too-serious’’ camp injury to his foot. So it was a story.

And now that he’ll miss three weeks, it’s 30 times as large a story.

 At the same time, it’s rather comforting to know that if one cornerback can’t go, rookie first-rounder Mike Jenkins can step right in (as he did Monday for Newman), or Adam Jones steps up, or Anthony Henry steps up.

How in such a short time did Dallas’ dubious secondary become so incredibly deep?

MAVS ITEM: Art Garcia has a really neat (dumb word, but it’s the right word) Q-and-A with Olympic-bound Dirk.  It’s just neat, that’s all.

COWBOYS ITEM: My friends at TheBigLead smart-assedly summarized the scene at Cowboys camp thusly:

Jessica Simpson’s set to show up anyday now. Monday’s highlight was Terrell Owens just abusing Pacman Jones to the oooos and ahhhhhs of a flotilla of onlookers. Tuesday? Michael Irvin and Emmitt Smith talk to the rookies about public speaking. Wednesday: celebrity boxing, Troy Aikman vs. Skip Bayless.

Pretty much dead on. It’s a “traveling circus,’’ like Terence Newman predicted to us it would be.

But there’s something else about this sort of national-level analysis, no matter how clever: It reeks of jealousy. What fan doesn’t wish this was HIS team – as long as Super Bowl contention is part of the circus?

Speaking of Tony Romo’s better half: “Anyday now’’ will be, I hear, Thursday.

MAVS ITEM: Even though y’all didn’t do squat for me when I was sick last week, DB.com is receiving some lovely compliments. To wit:

From a local media person with Mavs ties: “Fish, good work and analysis (on our “Cuban: No Sale!’’ column). That points out the kind of stuff “national’’ guys don't realize about Mark.’’

From one of those national media guys: “Mike, regarding ‘Black Monday’ (see below): I only hope – for the sake of your site and for the sake of understanding where newspapers are headed -- your readers realize are good and how newsy that post is.’’

And finally, from a rather iconic local broadcaster: “You keep up the insightful stuff on the Mavs – and if you don’t mind, I’ll keep stealing it.’’ ;)

It was the winky face that really touched me.

COWBOYS ITEM: Emmitt Smith is getting demoted, stripped of his wings, knocked down to buck private. … or something like that. ESPN still has him under contract for another year, so they’ll do something with him (help Mike Greenberg and Erin Andrews host “The National Spelling Bee’’?) But it won’t be occupying a primo chair on the network’s NFL coverage.

Cris Carter is getting that chair. Emmitt is getting the slow boot. And you know why this isn’t such a bad thing?

If my man Emmitt really wants to be a broadcaster, he needs to train for it. Classes. Reporting. Learning. Improvement. And eventually, a job at a local level.

What I’m afraid of is that Emmitt probably thinks the idea of him interning at Fox4 or being a weekend anchor at Channel 33 is beneath him. Which is exactly the problem.

MAVS ITEM: My job allows me great good fortune, including the better-than-zero chance that I might someday be invited to a pool party at Gilbert Arenas’ house. I mean, it’s not like I’m so planning on it that I’ve already purchased his housewarming gift, but. … six degrees of separation and all that, so it’s possible.