By Mike Fisher -- DallasBasketball.com
From Don Nelson to TV comic newsman Rob Corddry to most of today’s Gen X’ers, the non-electronic printed word is considered obsolete.
(Sidebar to any magazine or newspaper wishing to pay big bucks for a delicious slice of Mike Fisher: I mean all the non-electronic printed words EXCEPT those printed by you.)
BARRYSTICKETS.COM
DALLAS OBSERVER ON THE MAVS
BULLS COVERAGE
THE DAILY SHOW
Nellie says the newspaper is nothing more than a place for “the chickens to s*it on.’’ Corddry’s Presidential campaign coverage for Comedy Central’s ‘The Daily Show’’ featured a quick visit with a respected reporter for USA Today, an “old-fashioned’’ media source Corddry pretended to be unfamiliar with.
And the kids nowadays? While we all wait to see what nomenclature follows “Generation X’’ and “Generation Y’’ and “Generation Why’’ and “Generation Z’’ (I guess we circle back around to “Generation A’’?), we understand the younger folks get their news and information from like, hip-hop and stuff.
Me? I’m still enough of a traditionalist that I like using the restroom with a Sports Illustrated draped over my knees. (Hey, all us chickens gotta “s*it,’’ to paraphrase Nellie).
And while the Mavs were making a quick Friday visit to Chicago (where we hope pulp-fiction fave Sam Smith took the opportunity to actually INTERVIEW a Mav personality before making up some non-electronic printed words about the fella), they were also making some throw-away hay in SI.
Two items to catch your eye:
1) In a column on guard-turned-motorcyclist-turned-hospital patient Jay Williams, the kid pledges to return to the court for the Bulls. Among the inspirations he sites: A letter from non other than Steve Nash, in which the Mavs guard offers moving encouragement.
Cool.
In the NBA section, SI suggests that we are nearing the time when teams will try to dump excess baggage such as Dallas’ Antoine Walker and Antawn Jamison.
Excess baggage?
That’s like saying Britney Spears’ puberty-fueled new breasts are “excess baggage.’’
Ironically, the Chicago game – a 106-93 victory in which the Mavs had just nine healthy bodies available – might be the best evidence available that the ‘Twins are “excess.’’ Walker, returning to his hometown, scored just four points. Jamison was 5-of-6 from the floor and settled for just 10 points.
But it was other guys’ turns, for one thing. Seven Mavs scored in double figures. Dirk did his thing (26 points, 11 rebounds), Fin did his (23 points, 17 of them in the first 15 minutes after intermission) and bench guys like Travis Best (10 points in 16 minutes) and Shawn Bradley (13 points, four rebounds, four steals and an apparently napping official scorer that credited him with only three blocks) did theirs.
For another thing, we’re talking here about the Mav most deserving of being on the All-Star Team (Walker) and a Mav most deserving of being the NBA’s Sixth Man of the Year (Jamison).
Expendable?
One more example of how the non-electronic printed word is best when served with chicken droppings comes from our friends at the Dallas Observer. To use a high-school analogy, the Observer has always been the kid who ditched gym class to instead hang out either in the smoking area hitting on Goth girls, or in the band room trying to get extra credit on his French horn.
But lately, the Observer is trying to lace up the sneakers, trying to fill out a jock strap, trying to snap wet towels at locker-room butts. And so they write about sports a little bit.
And what we get is this:
All that's left to do now is wonder when the boom is coming. Because you have to know that something is going to change with the Mavs--it always does. Either Nellie is going to get fired or one of the players is going to get traded or both. But something is going to happen. …
The Observer, rooted in the mod-pop/purple-hair/condom-shops-on-every-street-corner culture of Deep Ellum, ought to know better than to be so non-electronic-printed-word-linear-thinking.
Only two possibilities? A firing or a trade?
What about a third possibility: Success? What about winning four straight road games? What about winning seven straight overall? What about having the fourth best record in the West?
Dear chicken-feces-soiled USA Today, Dallas Observer and Sports Illustrated: Cancel my subscription!
(Not really. I’ve just always wanted to say that.)