By Mike Fisher -- DallasBasketball.com
It’s the Lakers’ version of “Paper, Rock, Scissors.’’
We know a diamond (like the monster on the hand of Kobe Bryant’s wife) can cut glass. And we know glass (like the very dangerous variety that attacked Kobe this week) can cut flesh.
But – and call us skeptical or even coarse here – we also know a diamond (like Vanessa’s) can cut flesh (like her husband’s hand).
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Therefore, we’re taking great entertainment pleasure from The Drama Queen’s fanciful tale of how he ended up on the injured list with a bloody finger while playing Handyman Hank in his garage.
The best news about the Mavs, even as they absorb two straight losses: They ain’t the Lakers.
LA is presently plagued with arrogance (Phil JackZen’s derogatory take on “not good enough’’ Dallas). And plagued with air-headedness (JackZen’s claim that he’s never seen boxscores as unbalanced toward a few scorers as he sees from Minnesota’s, a weird claim from a man who must’ve looked at boxscores from the Jordan-Pippen Bulls and the Shaq-Kobe Lakers). And plagued with natural injuries (given the age on some of those guys, shouldn’t their present infirm state have been predictable?)
And, most entertaining of all, plagued with a soap-operatic aura that may never fade.
How else to explain the travails of The Drama Queen, Kobe Bryant, who this week took time out from his rape trial to “cut his finger while moving boxes in the garage.’’
Call us skeptical again, but them must be some sharp boxes.
“I'm doing something where I'm leaning on a window,’’ says Kobe, trying to say it wasn’t the boxes but a window that caused him 10 stitches and a week-long stint on the injured list after a Thursday night episode. “It doesn't hold me up.’’
Oh, OK. You accidentally leaned your hand on a glass pane and your hand went through it, Kobe?
“I guess I'm too strong," Bryant said. "Hand went through and I cut myself."
I guess I’m too strong? Yes, leave it to the Lakers and their state of dementia and self-delusion to conclude that a 200-plus-pound man’s ability to put his hand through a pane of glass is worthy of The Guiness Book Of World Records, Strong-Man Division.
Seriously, I outweigh Kobe by a couple of ounces or so. This weekend, I leaned on a couple of windows. Son of a gun, they wouldn’t budge!
As difficult as it is to imagine a man accidentally punching. … I mean, putting his hand through a window, it is even more odd that a man already suffering from a sprained right shoulder would relax by MOVING BOXES.
"I don't think using your arm and your biceps in lifting a box is a problem as far as his shoulder," said Coach JackZen, for whom it’s obviously been years since he lifted anything heavier than a dime bag.
I’m sorry, but let’s play “CSI: Los Angeles’’ here: It’s not difficult to imagine Kobe punching that glass, is it? It’s not difficult imagining Kobe’s lovely wife being involved with him in an angry exchange, it is? Especially if she heard the same gossip as the rest of us about Kobe having another room-service tootsie always available on team visits to the Great Northwest?
Oh, and before you wonder if it’s unfair of me to bring all this up, don’t bother. Better to consider how that prosecution team in Eagle, Colorado – certainly hungry to establish that Bryant is a violent and dangerous liar – will bring it up.
Kobe noted that Vanessa, was "pretty grossed out. She doesn't like seeing blood.’’
Hey, twist that quote into a pretzel like Kobe’s garage story and take it out of context and the prosecutors can use it, too.