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Hot Tickets!
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Scoop: Jessica Simpson Joins A Gym
The In-House Memo On Chubby Singer's New Four Seasons Membership
Mike Fisher -- DB.com
It’d be hypocritical of us to make too much fun of Jessica Simpson’s recent weight gain. (We own a mirror.) So instead, let’s do this report with just the fats, ma’am. … we mean, just the facts, ma’am.
DallasBasketball.com spies have informed us that chubby-chaser Tony Romo is a new member at the Four Seasons Resort in Las Colinas (just across the street from his just-bought McMansion and near the Tom Thumb where Jess frequently buys the groceries) – and that Jessica is also a member.
We’ve got the exclusive, the in-house memo announcing her new membership – and warning employees of the proper way to treat such a celeb:
First of all, here’s the info. It's via an in-house/members-only memo obtained by DB.com, as the exclusive Four Seasons is alerting its staff to be on its best behavior for the woman who signed up on Jan. 21 to share Tony’s new golf-club membership:
“We are thrilled to welcome our own Dallas native, Ms. Simpson, to the Sports Club! She will be using the fitness center and dining in the members lounge. We want to make Ms. Simpson feel as comfortable as possible so she can make this her second (or third!) home. Just a reminder, please go over with your employees our … rules regarding celebrities: WORK RULES AND STANDARDS OF CONDUCT ( Page 62, Engaging in intrusive behavior with celebrity guest such as soliciting autographs, photos, tickets or any other requests …)’’
Sounds like a pretty sweet setup. And we certainly hope we’re not being too intrusive. In fact, after seeing those photos of our girl Jess at the 99.9 KISS-FM Chili Cookoff in Florida, we’re rooting for her. Maybe Miss Simpson should make the fitness center “her second (or third) home’’ instead of just “dining in the 
members lounge,’’ is all we’re saying.
We're going to deflect any accusations of us being sexist by blaming it all on Dale Hansen. If his wife puts up with his crap, you, Dear Reader, can certainly put up with out gentle pokes wrapped in an exclusive news item. (Hmmm, pokes wrapped in items. ... pigs in a blanket! Where's the syrup! We're hungry!)
Anyway, to steal a line from/blame our friend Dale Hansen, who reflected on the photos of the suddenly zaftig pop tart by saying: “I’ve dreamed my whole life of being married to a woman who is built like Jessica Simpson. And now I am.’’
See? We're letting all the meanies take all the shots. Us, we're just reporting exclusive news.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to use our “membership’’ at our second (or third) home, over at IHOP.
844am jan 27 2009