Unique One-Team Mavs Trade: They Swap Jekyll, Get Hyde. Then They Re-Acquire Jekyll Back Again

   No Boozer, no Kirilenko, no C.J. Miles and Deron hobbled. And Utah wins, 115-87.

   No Boozer, no Kirilenko, no C.J. Miles, no whining. God, I love that about the way Utah does business. I’m jealous.

   Mavs leader Jason Kidd jammed his thumb in pregame warmups. My man Eddie Sefko made that the lead item in his game story. Nothing wrong with that. Completely legit journalistic angle.

   But one team is missing three-fifths of its starting lineup.

   The other team is missing one-fifth of its starting hand.

   How did the wrong team win here? Donuts.

   DONUT 2: Sure glad Jazz PG Deron Williams wasn’t feeling like himself. I dunno, maybe because he was ailing he was feeling, what, like 50 percent of himself? Good. Otherwise, if he was feeling like 100 percent of himself, I guess he would’ve had a 68-point, 24-assist, 10-rebound performance.

  But he was only feeling 50 percent of that. What a relief.

   DONUT 3: Quote from Jazzy Jerry Sloan on his defense vs. Dallas: "I thought we got up under 'em, and got after them underneath a little bit more.’’

   What an odd way to phrase it: “Up under ‘em?’’ “Got after them underneath’’?

   I’m thinking, like football linemen have to “get underneath’’ each others’ pads, get lower, for leverage? Is that what Sloan means? Because if so, I’m going to start watching out for Utah on the cutblocking, the facemasking and the horse-collaring.

   And then there is Carlisle’s comment about what is essentially the same issue:

   You're not just playing a team, you're playing something that's been established over a couple decades. And it's never going to be an easy win in here.''

   Yeahbut. … WHY? ‘Cuz the tarmac is snowy? ‘Cuz those polite citizens boo like somebody slipped some caffeine into their cola? ‘Cuz the Jazz players “get up under you underneath’’?

   And if it’s any of those things, why can’t the Mavs – or any other team – bottle that and take it home for themselves? I mean, Sloan isn’t re-inventing the basketball wheel here. In fact, it’s not even about basketball. It’s about football.

   Jerry Sloan is Bear Bryant. The 80’s-90’s-00’s Jazz are the pre-desegregation Alabama Crimson Tide. Or maybe they're The Junction Boys.

   “Got after them underneath,’’ indeed.

   DONUT 4: I made a personal plea to the Mavs going into this game to keep their cool.”Basketball Is Jazz.’’ My plea was directed at Dirk, who I also asked to contribute 25/11/3, which seemed like a winning formula.

   Did the Mavs get an MVP-level performance out of The UberMan? No. He shot 5-13 for the first two quarters and ended up with just 14 points on 6-of-20 shooting before retreating to the bench in the fourth.

   Did the Mavs keep their cool? No. Josh Howard’s flagrant-1 foul and a technical on Howard with 2.3 seconds left in the quarter allowed Utah to enter the fourth quarter with momentum and. … well, the hell with momentum. The Jazz got to go up by 28. The score was 94-66. Up 28, who needs momentum?

   DONUT 5: When you smiled: When Gerald Green was moved up to the varsity for mop-up time.

   DONUT 6: When you shook your head knowingly: When Jason Terry was plagued by one of his only bugaboos, the lack-of-focus ball-handling that allows him to dribble the thing off his thigh, off his foot, off the side of a building. … It’s like that old Bird-Jordan ad for McDonald’s, where they play HORSE and bet each other than they can make crazy shots by bouncing the ball off the rafters, off a building and off a highway? That was Jet. He was, like, dribbling off body parts.

   DONUT 7: And the Standings Shuffle continues: This decision lifts Utah to 28-22 and into eighth. Phoenix slips to ninth. In Utah, the Mormons and non-Mormons alike are excited about being within three games of fourth-place Portland.

   Just as Mavs fans were excited about being 10 games above .500 (for a second there) and about being within hot-breath-on-the-back-of-the-neck distance from a top-four slot.

   And, I presume, will be again. Excited, that is.

   DONUT 8: I'm doing Bulls-at-Mavs pregame (and postgame?) on ESPN 103.3 Radio on Saturday. I'll eat cake at 6 p.m. with Luv-a-Bull Del Harris and then share with you and Wally at 6:20. Listen live and be there!

   DONUT 9: We Love Our Team? And We Love Every Single Person Associated With This Team? Not this much. Not enough to be near-promising Jerry Stackhouse that he won’t be dealt, that he’s still beloved, that he’ll soon be returned to the rotation. Hey, it’s an eight-man rotation for a reason. Sorry, Stack, we luv ya. But we luv ya because we need ya.

   As an expiring-contract commodity.

   DONUT 10: So a trade with the Kings? “All The Kings’ Men’’ are available? (Good one!)

   DONUT 11: We got a super-secret tip on Monday morning that Devean George has left the team in Orlando and has boarded a plane back to DFW. … Juicy! A trade? A vetoed trade? An appointment to canoodle with secret lover Penny Marshall?

   Nah. Better. He hustled home to be with the family and to witness the birth of a son.

   Our bad. We should’ve reported the mini-scoop when we learned it.

   And we shouldn’t have been so hopeful that Devean was getting traded.

   DONUT 12: Quote of the Night: “They kicked the crap out of us.’’ – Rick Carlisle.

   Now I believe that Slick Rick said this Thursday while referring back to the Mavs’ December visit to Salt Lake City. But it works.

   When it’s Dallas at Utah, “They kicked the crap out of us’’ is a ready-make, one-size-fits-all kind of quote.

520am feb 6 2009