Donuts: Cuban's Calculator, Dirk's Foot, Mavs Trades

    Do you sometimes find yourself unable to describe Dirk Nowitzki’s unique excellence? You grasp at straws like “The Euro-One-Foot-Lean-Away’’ or “Jazz Is Basketball’’ or the all-encompassing give-up nickname “The UberMan’’? (That last one is my fault.)

   Join the club. As you nosh on this morning’s Donuts – while also considering Mavs trade options, Rangers baseball gullibility and the latest info from Cuban's Calculator -- listen to Joakim Noah’s attempt to explain Nowitzki, who on Saturday against the Bulls led the Mavs to a 115-114 OT win by starting the game shooting 1-of-10. … but finishing with 44 points:

     DONUT 1: "There were times when Dirk was shooting," Noah said, "that I was like, 'There's no way he's going to shoot.' I felt like I was right on him. And he was just making shots that I don't think anybody in the NBA can make. He has such a different game than everybody else. It's hard to explain unless you're out there guarding him."

    It is hard to explain. That’s why I started with “The UberMan’’ and have never looked back.

    DONUT 2: Art Garcia offers up some possible trade targets: John Salmons, Larry Hughes, Ben Gordon, Anthony Parker and Jason Kapono. Later in Art’s piece, he quotes GM Donnie Nelson as saying, “Jet's injury doesn't significantly alter our tact on the player-acquisition front.’’

    Well, yeah, but. … Art just got done very specifically mentioning John Salmons, Larry Hughes, Ben Gordon, Anthony Parker and Jason Kapono.

    DONUT 3: An educated guess: The Mavs are right now making the phone-call rounds on the people – like those five guys mentioned – known around the league to “be on the block.’’ While Donnie left the DMNews’ Eddie Sekfo with the impression that “help would come from within,’’ it seems apparent to me that Dallas wants to explore just how inexpensively the on-the-blockers can be had.

    DONUT 4: An opportunity to talk face-to-face to Kings people comes up NOW.  Sacto was in OKC on Sunday (where the Kings lost) and figure to be in Dallas relaxing all day Monday evening and Tuesday day.

    They’ve got themselves a John Salmons (yes!), a Brad Miller (maybe!) and a Beno Udrih…. (udrih!)

    And the Kings’ bosses are in the hotel. Two blocks away from the AAC. Probably lunching later today at the Capital Grille.

    DONUT 5: Yesterday we composed a rather encyclopedic examination of Jason Terry’s fractured-finger situation (with an actually medical examination coming today) and we’ve got Jet himself predicting a three-week absence.

    Good for us.

    We also proposed that Jerry Stackhouse might be a fill-in solution, for a variety of reasons.

    Not good for us, yet.

    More Art Garcia: He apparently suggested the scenario to Jerry, who responded: “ I'm on my body's pace. Whenever I'm ready, I'll be ready."

    I’m sure Stack didn’t intend for that response to sound less-than-enthusiastic.

    But it sure sounds less-than-enthusiastic.

    DONUT 6: I’m glad to have played a tiny role in the uncovering of the “something-fishy’’ actions of Hall-of-Fame-bound Bob Hayes' twisted-sister Lucille “Hayes’’ Hester. At some point, we will all move forward.

   “Mission accomplished!’’ one of the late Hayes’ loved ones said to me on Saturday after DB.com broke another chapter in this story: That Bob Hayes Jr. will be at that podium in Canton on Aug. 8, unveiling that bust and wearing that jacket.

    What is Lucille’s role now? What should her role have been?

    If you are interested and have a few minutes, I urge you to listen to “The Michael Irvin Show’’ interviewing her last Monday, after my initial coverage of the controversy began. Listen to Kevin Kiley, who to his credit immersed himself in the information DB.com provided. Listen to Michael, who has been a friend to the Hayes family and a personal comfort to Lucille.

    And listen to Lucille herself. … sweetly stumbling about when the question is pointed. … yet possessive of a whip-sharp memory when the answer benefits her. … and always, as a fall-back when the conversation gets tough, using the great Bob Hayes’ memory as an escape hatch.

    And I ask again: How could anyone – NFL, HOF, Cowboys or media – listen to this woman’s saccharine evasiveness and not come away questioning her veracity?

    DONUT 7: If you are ever gonna to take a flier on Stephon Marbury – and I’m not saying I was ever gonna – is now the time?

    DONUT 8: Here’s Randy Galloway at his best, with a Dan Reeves-related column that: a) is ballsy enough to disagree with Troy and Babe; b) adds something with an exclusive Jerry quote; c) breaks news on Reeves’ proposed “Senior Team Advisor’’ title and his theoretical position above Wade; d) dares to poke Tony Romo with a sharp stick; and e) even mixes in a Bob Hayes next-of-kin shout-out joke.

    Excellent work.

    DONUT 9: That Adam Morrison trade to the Lakers? I’ve seen some people opine that the whole thing was a salary dump. That’s not the view from some Mavs observers, who see Phil JackZen dumping Rad (who was giving him nothing) in exchange for Ammo – who figures to get an awful lot of open-look jumpers playing alongside Kobe.

   DONUT 10: MAVS BLOG RADIO today at 11 a.m.! The goofin’-around co-host is Richie Whitt, overseer of the Dallas Observer’s Sportatorium. We’ll stay on top of the Bob Hayes controversy, as we have all week. … and as Richie is a former Mavs beat writer, we’ll talk Mavs approaching the All-Star Break.

    Be there! Aloha.

    DONUT 11: SportsByBrooks has a great note on Joe Torre’s open-minded feelings toward gays in the baseball clubhouse. Brooks says one of the reasons gay baseball players (or for that matter, athletes in most other sports) is “macho-centric.’’

    That’s way to soft (gay?) a choice of compound word, however.

    The word is “homophobic.’’

    But that’s how “macho-centric’’ we still are. So “macho-centric’’ will still can’t bring ourselves to say “homophobic.’’

    DONUT 12: Mark Cuban has revealed some of his staff’s “player and lineup evaluation system’’ numbers.

    I’m feeding this data into the DB.com Computers. (Meaning, I’ve asked David Lord and Nick Reed to look into it.) Reactions forthcoming.

    You know, we’re all just a bunch of dopey reporters. Most of us starting writing and talking about sports only because we couldn’t swing a bat and chew gun at the same time. But I’ll say about former Rangers star A-Rod and steroids what I once said about former Rangers star Rafael Palmiero and steroids and what I once said about former Rangers star Jose Canseco and steroids (and if you want me to continue down a list of Texas players from that era who didn’t hit home runs when they were young, then hit a bundle, and then became less pudgy and quit hitting ‘em, I will):

   If you were around that team as an executive, staffer, coach or reporter, and you “didn’t notice’’ anything was awry. … boy, do I have a letter from Lucille Hester to sell you!

447am feb 9 2009