Green Donuts: Mavs 103, Pistons 101

   Why doesn’t Damp do that all the time? Is it OK to Twitter during a game? Is there really a taxpaying American citizen named “Hugh G. Dick’’? And why am I embracing a man wrapped in a St. Patrick’s Day body condom? (Or is that the P-Diddy-designed-and-rejected Mavs special-events uniform?)

   Those questions and more, answered, as we Donut the heck out of Mavs 103, Pistons 101:

   Quickie observation about the Mavs in close games and about how numbers can be deceptive: Dallas improved to 15-3 in games decided by five points or less. Now, that’s impressive, and it says something positive about how J-Kidd runs the team down the stretch, about how Dirk is clutch, about how Dallas makes it free throws, and all that.

   But what if the Mavs win a game by five points or less … when the game should never have been that close?

   DONUT 2: Look at Kidd’s line in the boxscore and what do you see? Not much. Two points and six assists and a few rebounds and well, it wasn’t his night to shine. However, if you are appreciative of the little things being done right. … and if you have a memory of something the Mavs in recent years have done terribly wrong. … you’ve got to love Jason Kidd as the inbounds passer. Against the opponents’ scrambling pressure, he’s Johnny Unitas back there – which is a far cry from previous seasons, when the Mavs rather mindlessly assigned the job of inbounds triggerman to Josh Howard.

   DONUT 3: Glad you could join us, Erick Dampier. Damp gets 16 points (tying a season-best) and 13 rebounds. He gets to the line eight times. He makes five of seven shots. He brutalizes the Pistons inside.

   And all he needs to do now is do the same thing for more than once every three nights or so.

   An insane number on Damp as a 10-points-or-more scorer: Over the last five seasons, when Dampier scores in double digits, the Mavericks are 65-16.

   DONUT 4: MavsMoneyball has the quotes, from Damp and about Damp.     

   DONUT 5: No Mav would dare do this – in fact, it seems like something only Shaq would try to pull off – but Charlie Villanueva of the Bucks did the Twitter thing during halftime of a game the other night against the Celtics. Milwaukee won, so it’s all good, I suppose. But this is a marketing opportunity waiting to happen. Who will it be – Shaq? Arenas? LeBron? –who scores a basket and then, while backpedalling, reaches into his baggy shorts to retrieve an electronic device, tweets to announce his accomplishment, and then tucks the device back into his trousers?

   DONUT 6: A once-a-year effort, apparently, in conjuction with March Madness, is The Name of the Year tournament, and check it out: Long Wang, Landocalrissan Butler, Batman Bin Supraman, Taffi Dollar, Elvis Magno, Elvis Rambo, Quetzalcoatl Carrasco, Hugh G. Dick, Sparkle Wisdom, NaToya Dingle, Darren QX Bean!, Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris, Precious Valentine, Truly Lo, Elizabeth Little-Lamb, Dick Sackman, Bo Ladyman and Deep Master are real Americans’ names. … who DIDN’T make the 64-team bracket.

   DONUT 7: Poor Jessica Simpson. Seems America’s Girlfriend wants to learn more about her sweetheart’s second favorite sport, golf. So she bought $8,400 worth of Louis Vuitton equipment and, all ready for lessons, decided she should choose a golf teacher.

   So she chose Tiger Woods.

   Who, of course, turned her down.

   Aw, what’s the big deal? My younger son will soon want driver’s ed. I think I’ll call Jeff Gordon to see if he wants to help. My older son is considering studying law. I think I’ll call F Lee Bailey to see if he wants to tutor. And I’m thinking of going karaoke’ing this weekend. I think I’ll call Jessica Simpson to see if she’d like to duet.

   Actually, I might be able to pull off that last one.

   DONUT 8: Rafael Vela lays down the law on the Romo-for-Cutler trade idea. Good work. But allow me to simplify: Just as the Broncos shouldn’t have bothered talking about Cutler-for-Cassel, the Cowboys shouldn’t bother here. In all three cases, we’re talking about parallel talents. … and random discussions regarding parallel talents is the football equivalent of navel-gazing, with one additional negative: It’s navel-gazing that pisses people off.

   DONUT 9: So is the Mavs’ bench any good or not? James Singleton recorded his third straight double-figures game with 11 points in 35 minutes. Over the last threw games, James Double-Doubleton is averaging 12.7 points and 8.7 rebounds. James is one of three Mavs benchers to score 10-plus, joining Jason Terry (18) and Brandon Bass (12) and when the Mavs have three double-digit scorers coming off that bench, they are 6-1 this year.

   DONUT 10: Lest we forget Dirk: Nowitzki recorded his 21^st 30-point game of the season with 30 points (12-of-20 shooting but just 5-of-8 from the line). The Mavs are 15-6 when he hits 30. …

   So the Mavs are 6-1 when their bench scores, 65-16 when Damp scores, and 15-6 when Dirk scores.

   Ah, if it were only that easy!

   DONUT 11: Two issues on the Houston prostitution ring thing: One, if it is “high-end,’’ there are certainly athletes involved. Two, what does it mean to be a “high-end’’ prostitute? What, her butt is taller? There’s really no difference between a high-end prostitute and a low-end prostitute, is there, besides the number of burned-out light bulbs in the “HOTEL’’ sign?

   With all this prostitution going on, I pretty much don't pose for photographs with strangers anymore unless they are wearing protection. Full-body protection. And last night, full-body green protection. 

    DONUT 12: I keep saying Dallas is a good rebounding team and Dallas keeps spending the week making me look bad. The Mavs were outrebounded 43-33 and gave up 27 second-chance points, numbers reminiscent of what happened in consecutive losses at Oakland and LA.

    DONUT 13: The Mavs (41-27) won their eighth straight home game and remain in eighth place in the West. There’s not much room for help on the NBA schedule tonight and the Mavs themselves just played their lone home game in the middle of a 17-day, seven-game stretch that has them in Atlanta on Thursday. They won’t have Josh. … but they still have their optimism.

   “We’re still a work-in-progress,’’ said Antoine Wright, which is a sunny way of looking at a regular season with just 14 games remaining.

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745am march 18 2009