Wednesday Donuts: Earthquakes In Your Basement

The Mavs lose a staffer as Westphal takes over the Kings. ... plus an assortment of trade rumors, some more ridiculous than others ... Kobe getting alibi'ed for being "too tired'' to be "Doin' Work''? ... and Nolan Ryan checks out that North Texas earthquake from down in your North Texas basement. ... it's Wednesday Morning Donuts!

    DONUT 1: Mavs aide Paul Westphal is the new head coach of the Sacrmento Kings. …

    DONUT 2: … Brings with him some skepticism from the Sacto faithful …

    DONUT 3: … And might also bring with him valued Dallas assistant Mario Elie, who himself will almost certainly be an NBA head coach someday.

    DONUT 4: So the Lakers lost Game 3 so now Kobe is tired? No, no, no, no, I say to my friend Bill Plaschke in the LA Times. No, no, no, no. You do not get to star in your own co-directed self-deifying movie, call it “Kobe Doin’ Work,’’ and then benefit from the alibi that the “Doin’ Work’’ makes you too tired to be "Doin' Work.'' No, no, no, no.

    DONUT 5: Magic 108, Lakers 104, and I would say this is the Orlando win that had to happen. … and that will still mathematically add up to my prediction of LA in five. Some of the folks in Orlando do not grasp this. Here is writer Michael White for the Sentinel announcing that he is “proud’’ of the Magic for winning their first-ever NBA Finals game, and that the outcome “gives a middle finger’’ to the national media “pezzonovantes’’ that thought Orlando couldn’t win.

   He’s wrong on every count:

    *Not knowing exactly what Michael’s role is, it’s rather awkward to read a newspaper writer gush about how “proud’’ he is.

    *Not knowing exactly what a “pezzonovante’’ is, I can only assume that it’s a mean word. It presumes that the country is “against’’ Orlando. In fact, I think most people without ties pull for the underdog and root against Mamba.

    *I know what a “middle finger’’ is. But the national media didn’t say Orlando wouldn’t win.

    In fact, the smart members of the media said Orlando WOULD win. One game. Which it has done.

    I’m so proud!

    DONUT 6: OK. Pezzonovante. I looked it up. Original meaning in Italian: “A big gun.’’ As used in “The Godfather’’ by Michael Corleone when he rather scoffs at his father’s lost wish that Michael be a “senator or a governor, something,’’ it seems to be a “false big shot.’’ So there you go.

    If you didn’t pick the Magic to beat LA, you are a pezzonovante.

    DONUT 7: In New Orleans, they dream about acquiring Chris Bosh. … but their reality is that the Hornets are poised for a salary dump.

   DONUT 8: Sorry, DFW, but if you experience an earthquake and it turns out to be the result of oil drilling, that’s not really an earthquake. That’s like somebody in the desert having a teaspoon of water poured on him and him saying “It’s raining!’’

    DONUT 9: Twitter? Worth your time. Instant-access to whatever. C’mon over and check me out.

    DONUT 10: Rasheed Wallace, frequently linked to the Mavs in rumors over the years, is negotiating to go to Cleveland? Um … no, he’s probably not. I’ve got David Lord breaking that down. … A full story coming later today.

    DONUT 11: Speaking of throwing-stuff-against-the-wall trades: The Washington Times is saying something about Dallas swapping up to No. 5. That’s not the part that lacks credibility; it’s been kicked around a lot. But read it closely: the columnist slaps together a lot of loose parts (the Mavs are willing to part with Jason Terry) and then pretends that the No. 5 rumor and Jet’s availability have anything to do with each other.

    I’ll be in charge of chasing this one.

    DONUT 12: I saw an Olshan foundation repair TV commercial last night starring long-time company spokesman Nolan Ryan. It was pure Texas, right down to the twang. ‘Cept. … Nolan was making his pitch about North Texas foundation cracks and water-leaks pitch while wearing a floation device from down in the water-filled basement of a house.

    Um. … since when do North Texas homes have basements?