The Mavs' Swine Flu Fist-Bump (False) Epidemic

   I’ve long been justified in my personal policy against asking questions in at-large press conferences. (Why should I let my competitive colleagues harvest the fruit of my bountiful queries?) But now, after an awkward exchange today with Mavs coach Rick Carlisle, I have three more reasons I don’t like asking at-large questions:

   One, because I had to ask Carlisle about my "inside knowledge'' of the NBA’s new anti-handshake policy regarding Swine Flu.

   Two, because after I asked it, the coach looked at me like I’d contracted the Idiot Flu.

   And three … well, I’ll get to that in a minute.

   “So, have you heard about the NBA’s mandate against handshakes?’’ I asked Carlisle after the Thursday’s morning practice.

   “Um, no, I haven’t,’’ Carlisle responded, a bit dumbfounded.

   “Oh,’’ Carlisle said, seeming equal parts bothered and bored. Um, I don’t know.’’

   I pressed on (without pressing flesh): “Well, check your email,’’ I said, probably a little smart-alecky, “and please don’t try to shake hands with me.’’

    Carlisle gave me that twisted-face look of his -- yes, that's the one -- and sauntered away.

    I then mentioned the “Swine Flu Policy’’ to GM Donnie Nelson and to PR boss Sarah Melton. They knew nothing of it.

    But dang it, just before I scooted down to the practice court at SMU, I'd read about it in the Boster paper. To wit:

   The NBA, fearful of the damage an H1N1 flu outbreak could wreak on the league, has passed down an anti-handshake directive.

    Players and coaches have been asked to greet each other via more sanitary means of contact, like fist pounding, or maybe chest bumps.

   “No handshaking,” Doc Rivers said. “I think it’s a good thing. A fist pound is just great.”

   I was embarrassed about having to be the one to bring this scoop to the attention of the Dallas Mavericks, but you know, if my interview saves just one life …

    Then I get back to my computer and start pounding away. I figure if this doesn’t win me a Pulitzer for excellence in journalism, it might at least win me, I dunno, a Purple Heart or something.

    But then comes a communication from Melton, via Tim Frank of the NBA offices:

    To all:  Please be aware that the following note ran in the Boston Herald this morning ... This story is NOT TRUE ... please make sure your media is aware of that before they regurgitate this information or begin to ask your players about it.  Thanks.

    And there goes my scoop. My Pulitzer. And my Purple Heart.

    And here comes my third reason for avoiding press-conference question-asking: I might not know what the hell I’m talking about.