Mavs Monday Donuts: Baby Hooks And Bud Lights

Kris Humphries playing “The Game.’’ … LeBron and cancer?! … Dirk nursing along the baby hook (or me nursing along the Bud Light?) … Tuesday’s Mavs-Cavs meeting will be a more real fake game. … Jim Nantz is best friends with whom? .... It’s Mavs Monday Morning Donuts! …

    DONUT 1: The Wages of Wins Journal desconstructs the Shaq Era in Phoenix. Brainy stuff, as always, but I put the brakes on at the start of the tale, when the esteemed Mr. Berri states without equivocation that "once upon a time, the Suns were the best team in the West.'' I must've missed that. ...

    DONUT 2: I’m sensing that Kris Humphries has learned how to play this game.

    No, not just the game of basketball. (Though he seems good at that game, too.) I mean the game of “playing the game,’’ understanding how to please the coach, understanding how to please the media, understanding how and when to wear each hat.

   This bears further explanation from me … and from Kris. (Stay tuned). But for now, check out coach Rick Carlisle’s review of Humphries’ work.

    “He’s been pretty steady. I’m greedy, I want him to play better and better. He needs to be an energizer guy for us off the bench. He’s going to give us really quality depth at the big positions,” Carlisle said … and then, in Sefko’s story comes the line, “Carlisle said Saturday’s game was one of Humphries’ worst of the preseason.’’

      In that Cleveland game, Humphries was terrific. I’m sorry … I’m not saying he didn’t make a technical error here or there that coaches harp on because harping is what coaches do. … but Humphries was 12/9 and he was all over the place and he was powerful and energetic and clutch.

    When Carlisle downplays all that … Rick is “playing the game,’’ too.

    Again, further explanation and investigation to come later today.

    DONUT 3: DallasBasketball.com T-shirts, anyone?

     DONUT 4: So we’re going to get a real version of a fake game on Tuesday?

     “Cleveland is going to have their whole team on Tuesday,” Carlisle said. “(Cleveland coach) Mike Brown told me that before the game. We’re hopeful that we have our team, or as many guys that are available. They were tough to beat without those guys. So, it’s the kind of test we need.’’

     “Those guys’’ are LeBron and Shaq. They’ll be ready to go in Tuesday’s preseason rematch of Saturday’s meeting in Dallas. “Our team’’? No indication at this time that Shawn Marion or Josh Howard will be ready to go.

     DONUT 5: LeBron James and a cancer scare. What?

     DONUT 6: So there is no confusion: Tuesday’s game is in Pittsburgh. At 6:30. On HDNet.

     DONUT 7: Memphis vs.Memphis, and this is always going to be a problem in that town. 

    DONUT 8: The KGB meets the NBA. In a NY Times headline, anyway. 

    DONUT 9: Early in the second half on Saturday, did I detect Dirk Nowitzki attempting a baby hook?

    Am I right and maybe this is “The McHale Effect’’ on Dirk?

    Or am I wrong and maybe this was “The Bud Light Effect’’ on me?

    DONUT 10: Tough day for the NFC East – for all of ‘em except the Cowboys, and maybe that’s only because Dallas had the bye. Philly lost at the lousy Raiders, the Giants were blown out in New Orleans, and the Redskins were worse that league-worst Kansas City. Lots of indignities here, but this is the topper: The Redskins front office has stripped the offensive play-caller of his duties. The offensive play-caller? It’s head coach Jim Zorn.

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard of such a thing before.

    DONUT 11: The NBA is launching a campaign to “reach Hispanic fans.’’

    Super. But … the NBA is just now doing this? Nah …

   DONUT 12: The Balloon Boy’s dad, this self-styled “scientist adventurer’’ who clearly views himself as a worthy heir to both Bill Nye and Mrs. Partridge, is facing investigations from both law-enforcement officials and CPS. But what do you do? Put him in jail for eight years? Take his kids away?

    I’ve got an idea:

    Build a silver paper balloon. Lock him inside it. Cut the anchor cord. Let it float about in the Colorado skies for a few hours. But no cameras allowed.

    See how he likes that adventure.

   DONUT 13: Jim Nantz is married, has a much younger girlfriend, makes $7 mil a year, was almost the host of CBS’ morning show and is going through a painful public divorce. But none of those factoids struck me quite like this one did: Jim Nantz pals around with George W. Bush.