Mavs Donuts: Tiger, Somethin' In The Milk Ain't Clean

Saturday Morning Mavs Donuts, as we celebrate the fact that Dallas is the best road team in the NBA while knowing that if they ever get “trapped’’ while on that road, Tiger’s wife Elin’’ can “rescue’’ them by “heroically’’ bashing in a window with a golf club. Or something like that. …

     DONUT 1: It’s the sports story of the … what? Weekend? Week? Month? Year? Tiger Woods in “serious condition’’ after a one-car crash. … that turns out to allegedly be only about him driving his SUV on his driveway, into a fire hydrant and into a neighbor’s tree. 

     And why all the facts aren’t in, you know what is rolling in? A bunch of “facts’’ that seem highly “non-factual.’’

    Like Judge Judy always tells me, “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s not true.’’

    It doesn’t make sense that Elin would hear a car crash outside her home and would come running outside carrying a golf club. It doesn’t make sense that she used a golf club to bust out the rear glass on Tiger’s SUV. It doesn’t make sense that she did so to rescue him. It doesn’t make sense that police are saying alcohol wasn’t involved but yet that “charges are pending.’’ It doesn’t make sense that they are claiming she lugged the 200-pound man out of his car and laid him on the ground. It doesn’t make sense that the local mayor would so quickly get involved by commenting. It doesn’t make sense that this is “nothing’’ but that it happened at 2:30 a.m. just after Thanksgiving. It doesn’t make sense that cops are saying this is “not a domestic issue.’’ It doesn’t make sense that he would hit both a fire hydrant and a tree. It doesn’t make sense that on Friday when troopers came to the house to interview Tiger, Elin got them to leave by explaining that Tiger was “sleeping.’’

     The only part of the story that makes sense is the report from a few days ago that Tiger Woods is cheating on his wife with a “New York party girl’’ named Rachel Uchitel. (That’s her Facebook photo at right.)

    Otherwise, as my country granny would say (if I had a country granny): “Somethin’ in the milk ain’t clean.’’

     DONUT 2: Bobcats 94, Cavs 87. Can we assume Cleveland will play pissed tonight? 

     By the way, if you got a chance to see any of this game: It was Shaq’s return to the lineup, and he did more to clog things up for his own teammates than he did for the opponent.

    Here’s hoping the Cavs do not find a way to remedy that by tonight.

      DONUT 3: Chris Bosh is saying “no thanks’’ to an eventually move to Dallas.

     "No, that's too close to home," Bosh said to NBA.com. "It's not a total negative. I have a lot of family and friends in Texas. But you know that can be both a gift and a curse. Still, it's nice to be wanted."
      So … that’s it then?

      Hardly.

      DONUT 4: The Spurs just got their first road win of the year … but it wasn’t that far out on the road inasmuch as the win occurred in Houston. At 1-4 when they are not at the Alamo, can we look forward to their annual Rodeo Road Trip in February being a disaster?

     DONUT 5: Dirk Nowitzki puts on his “Dream Team For Public Service” hat and is honored with a prestigious Jefferson Award for “top athletes who have given back to their communities.’’ Congrats, UberMan.

     DONUT 6: It’s FISH on ESPN this morning as I host “Mavs Magazine’’ on 103.3 ESPN Radio. We roll at 10 a.m., recapping the week, looking forward to Mavs-at-Cavs, and taking you way inside your Mavs on the official show of the team on the flagship station of the team, 103.3 ESPN Radio!

     DONUT 7: Are we learning our lessons about “Points Per Possession’’? Here’s another installment: Going into last night, the Mavs were the No. 4 team in the league in net PPP. 

   DONUT 8: The holiday season. A good time to get that special someone their shirt from the DB.com Store. (On Black Monday, may I recommend the black “DUST Chip’’ shirt? You’re welcome!

   DONUT 9: I'm sorry, Stephen A. Smith, but as you're the guy who reported exclusively that Iverson is retiring, it's hard to take you seriously now that you're reporting that Philly is interested in him unretiring.

    DONUT 10: Paul Pierce dunks on Chris Bosh. … and you check the video: Does he or does he not intentially kick Bosh in the Gortats?   

   DONUT 11: Devin and the Nets flirt with infamy. 

   DONUT 12: The Mavs and Carter BloodCare are hosting a blood drive today from noon-2 p.m. at Vista Ridge Mall in Lewisville.Potential donors must be at least 17, weigh at least 110 pounds, be healthy and provide a photo ID.

   Oh, and blood. You must have blood.

   DONUT 13: Who needs “DJ Hero’’ when we’ve got the new game “DJ Mbenga”?