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Charley Rosen is the most credentialed NBA idiot in journalism, a former Phil JackZen minor-league caddie who now makes a living at FoxSports.com typing fake-deep X-and-O analysis made less boring by his outrageous inanities.
Rosen is at it again, having downed a bottle of Scotch while “studying’’ Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavs.
Or should I say, “The New Nowitzki,’’ who Rosen insists isn’t the same player who used to “run like his pants were on fire,’’ “jumped to touch the moon,’’ “looked to dunk on every drive,’’ make “rash dashes and wild assaults on the rim and forced shots and passing fancies,’’ who was a “play-buster.’’
Oh, and Rosen asserts that Dirk was also a “bogus MVP.’’
Is it really possible for even this hack to type out a 797-word column … and have, like, 790 of the words be so wrong?
Let’s see. …
ROSEN SAYS:
In his 12th NBA season, Nowitzki conducts his on-court business in a vastly different fashion than he used to do. … He once ran through a ball game like his pants were on fire, jumped to touch the moon, looked to dunk on every drive and dribbled freely from end-to-end …
FISH SAYS:
Actually. …
*While over the last decade I’ve frequently made the argument that “Dirk on the run, hair flopping in the self-generated breeze, is one of the game’s most lovely sights’’ (or something poetic like that), not even I have ever claimed that he is a pants-on-fire track man. The UberMan NEVER “ran through a game like his pants were on fire.’’ Indeed, “sprinter’s speed’’ is something he never had and is therefore is something he doesn’t have that he will lose …
*Dirk “jumped to touch the moon’’? Well, yes. If the moon ever happened to be hanging 10-feet, four-inches in the sky.
*Dirk’s Dunkability? Do we really need stats to establish that Nowitzki has never been an NBA Slam-Dunk Contest candidate? OK, fine. (Sadly, Rosen attempts to illustrate this by noting that in OKC, Dirk didn't even try to out-sky Nenad Krstic on a jumpball. I say "sadly'' because if you saw the game, you know that Dirk never had a jumpball faceoff with Nenad Krstic.)
In 2007-08, Nowitzki (rather typically) had 19 dunks all season. That was fewer than such high-flyers as Brad Miller (22), Rasho Nesterovic (21) and Vladimir Radmanovic (20).
This year, Dirk has five dunks in 26 games. Multiply that out over 80-or-so and, yup. Dirk has a chance to get to 19 dunks again.
Yeah, Charley. Big change.
*Dirk “dribbled freely from end-to-end’’? There is actually some truth here. Under Don Nelson’s free-lancing, point-forwarding, oddball-matchup’ing direction, Nowitzki was encouraged to “rip-and-run’’ (grab a defensive rebound and storm upcourt with it.) It was a cool weapon and it was unorthodox for the Mavs’ 7-footer to not follow convention by outlet-passing to a guard more capable of advancing the ball than him.
Hmmm. … I wonder why the Mavs now follow convention and ALWAYS outlet the ball to a certain point guard? Hmmm. … I wonder what truly changed? I dunno. Maybe right exactly at the moment a certain greatest decision-making point guard of his era re-arrived in Dallas, Dirk lost the ability to dribble?
ROSEN SAYS:
His game has slowed considerably. … Instead of speed, quickness and untamed talent, Nowitzki now relies on all kinds of head-, ball- and/or shoulder-fakes to create optimal angles for his various jumpers.
FISH SAYS:
I’ve already covered the “slowing down’’ thing. “Untamed talent’’? Certainly true. … in 1998, when he hadn’t the slightest idea what he was doing (in the NBA or in America, for that matter) and still averaged 8.2 points and 3.4 rebounds at the tender age of 20. But the next year he amazed even his own coaches by doubling those numbers (to and 17.5 points and 6.5 rebounds). And 2000 he was on his way to 10 (and counting All-Star berths) and 10 (and counting All-NBA selections.
Unguardable? Yes. Untamed? Not in this decade.
The “newness’’ of Dirk’s ability to maintain perfect shooting form from the chest up, no matter how the rest of his body is angled?
How “new’’ is this?
Let’s study a couple of photos. The first one is Dirk in 2006. The second is 2009. Hairstyles change. But not one other damn thing about Dirk’s most important “angle’’ is altered. It is called “The One-Legged Euro Lean-Back.’’ We named it (with some guidance from Dirk himself), it’s been around for almost a decade, and it – along with Nowitzki’s uncanny and acknowledged ability to “create optimal angles for his various jumpers’’ is a talent learned long ago, in a gym in Wurzburg, while doing handstands and playing the viola while rowing a boat. Or something.
(ALERT! DB.COM EXCLUSIVE SIDEBAR ISSUE: Now, if Rosen – with all his basketball know-how and insight – had written something about how Dirk spends each summer “adding to his toolbox,’’ that would’ve been accurate and insightful.
But he didn’t do so, so I will:
This past summer, Nowitzki essentially took off from basketball. But once he showed up at camp, he worked with great intensity to add a new move, a new “angle.’’ It’s a left-handed baby hook. I saw him drilling himself on it.
Drop-step, re-gather, left-handed baby hook.
Drop-step, re-gather, left-handed baby hook.
Drop-step, re-gather, left-handed baby hook.
I don’t know if we’ll ever see it in a game. I just know Dirk is trying to add it.
And there, Dear Reader, is an actual and exclusive fact about Dirk Nowitzki’s “new angles.’’)
ROSEN SAYS:
No more rash dashes and wild assaults on the rim. No more forced shots and passing fancies. …
FISH SAYS:
*Regarding “forced shots’’: As every long-standing Mavs fan knows, Dirk’s problem in the “Dirty, Filthy, Nasty’’ Era was that he didn’t shoot enough, that he was too deferential to teammates Michael Finley and Steve Nash.
By the early ‘00’s, smart Mavs observers were begging Nowitzki to attempt MORE “forced shots’’ due to the frequency with which the ball, when released from his hands, would settle inside and then fall through the net thingee.
*Regarding “passing fancies’’: As early as 2002, Dirk was able to average 3.0 assists per game – and that’s more than the 2.8 he is presently averaging. Nellie was always intent on teaching Dirk the advantages of being a 7-footer who could pass over the top of defenses (and Nellie also correctly anticipated that someday, Dirk would need to learn to crisply pass out of double-teams.)
As of 2006-07, none other than passing perfectionist Avery Johnson proclaimed the Dirk-as-Distributor project a success (of course, The Lil’ Johnson took credit for it …).
Dirk is certainly a better passer today than he was as a youngster. Indeed, in terms of turnover ratio, he is without debate the most efficient big man in the NBA and might be the most efficient player in the NBA.
Now, again, you wanna go by Charley’s wild-guessing or you want facts?
A statistical example, of Dec. 10, turnover totals for “high-usage-rate players’’:
LeBron: 73
Durant: 69
Wade: 64
Carmelo: 60
Boozer: 56
Kobe: 52
Granger: 49
Bosh: 39
Dirk: 35
Facts.
Additionally, my memory tells me that he’s always been freakishly smart with the ball in his hands.
Let’s check the numbers. … Yup. In Dirk’s first “full’’ season as an NBA player, 2000-01, he averaged 1.7 turnovers per game. So far this year, he’s averaging 1.7 turnovers per game.
And career? Not much different, 1.9 turnovers per game.
Yeah, good thing Nowitzki have matured beyond his “passing fancies.’’
ROSEN SAYS:
Once he was a play-buster …
FISH SAYS:
This does not seem like a very nice things to say, and it feels weighty as if comes from a commentator who actually once coached in the minor-leagues as an assistant to Phil.
However. …
If Charley Rosen, who must certainly have friends and connections, can get ANY OF THE MEN WHO HAVE COACHED DIRK TO REPEAT THIS – that Nowitzki is a “play-buster’’ … I will buy Charley Rosen a case of whiskey, which oughta get him through a week.
Go for it, Charley. Call Nellie, Del Harris, Donnie, Paul Westphal, Larry Riley, Avery, Rick Carlisle. Any of ‘em.
ROSEN SAYS:
It's on the defensive end, however, in which Nowitzki's diminished quickness is most noticeable. … Of his 11 total rebounds, six were totally uncontested, and only two were captured in the middle of a hostile crowd. … Notice, too, that his per-game rebound average has been lower in each of the last five seasons.
FISH SAYS:
The game upon which Rosen based his evaluation is Dallas’ 100-86 win at OKC. While he thought it evidence of Dirk’s obvious decline, another interested observer leaned another way. This particular observer said this week that Nowitzki is “playing the best defense of his career.’’
Those are the words of Jason Kidd.
Now, a judgment of defensive performance can be a subjective thing. Maybe a judgment of rebounding performance can, as well, though I must say, I have never heard a basketball person criticize a player for grabbing “too many uncontested rebounds.’’ It must not occur to Charley that one of the reasons some of those were “uncontested’’ is that once it is clear that Nowitzki has himself a carom, the possession is over and the Thunder had better retreat and fast.
But heck, let’s go with Charley, who apparently thinks that we should only count the two rebounds that were grabbed in a hostile crowd. Fine.
Technically, we can also go with Charley when he writes, “Notice, too, that his per-game rebound average has been lower in each of the last five seasons.’’
It’s true. While Dirk has let this team in rebounding in every season this decade, his totals have slipped. http://www.nba.com/playerfile/dirk_nowitzki/career_stats.html Five years ago Dirk averaged 9.0 rebounds and the following year was at 8.9 per. Last year he was at 8.4 and this year he’s at 8.3.
You know what? At this rate – 0.1 rebounds not being grabbed this year that were grabbed the year before – Dirk’s going to be down to nothing! …
In 82 years.
ROSEN SAYS:
Aside from Nowitzki, Dallas doesn't have any abundance of players who can consistently create their own shots. Of the starters, J. J. Berea is too short to be a reliable self-creator. J-Kidd's lost step has mostly reduced his offense to three-balls. Shawn Marion's individual moves are predictable. Erick Dampier has no discernable moves. Off the bench, Jason Terry is strictly a spot- and pull-up shooter. Drew Gooden is ordinary. And Josh Howard is wild and profoundly unreliable.
FISH SAYS:
Wow, Dallas sucks almost as bad as Charley Rosen’s inability to correctly spell J.J. Barea’s last name! Hey, Charlie, the little fella been in the league for four years, so not even an expert such as yourself can be expected to keep up on such guard-related minutia. So let me help you with the spelling. It’s like this:
T-A-R-I-Q-A-B-D-U-L-W-A-H-A-D.
ROSEN SAYS:
… The fading memory of Nowitzki's bogus MVP award in 2007 -- an award announced even as the top-seeded Mavs were upended by the bottom-seeded Warriors in the opening round of the playoffs.
FISH SAYS:
What is so queer about this column is that it is actually a half-assed attempt to praise what Rosen calls a “New Nowitzki,’’ even though, as I hope I’m pointing out, there is really nothing new about Dirk’s excellence. What there is here is tripe, and it’s the same-old tripe, the notion that Nowitzki’s MVP award was somehow “bogus’’ because of what happened AFTER the voting was over, in the (admittedly dismal) postseason, which has nothing to do with anything but regular-season performance.
Those 2006-07 voting results:
2006-07 MOST VALUABLE PLAYER AWARD VOTING RESULTS
|
Player, Team |
1st |
2nd |
3rd |
4th |
5th |
Pts |
|
Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas |
83 |
39 |
7 |
- |
- |
1138 |
|
Steve Nash, Phoenix |
44 |
74 |
11 |
- |
- |
1013 |
|
Kobe Bryant, L.A. Lakers |
2 |
11 |
65 |
30 |
9 |
521 |
As you can see, Dirk got TWICE as many first-place votes as the nearest competitor. 
Bogus?
Not according to an overwhelming number of Charley’s contemporaries.
And there is a consistency even here, as there is in all things Nowitzki: He finished 10th in the voting last year, 11th the year before that, first in ’06-07, third the year before that and third the year before that. He’ll be a finalist again this year, I bet. And that’ll be six straight years of “bogus’’ voting.
The “New Nowitzki’’? Nah. Most of us are smart enough to know there is no such thing, and to be appreciative of a level of play that is resulting in 10 All-Star appearances, 10 All-NBA berths, six MVP finalists selections and one MVP trophy (and counting.)
Now, if anybody could do something about getting us a “New Charley Rosen.’’ …
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1111am dec 18 2009
