Exclusive (And I'm Serious): The NBA Will Ban Mavs' Caron Butler's Plastic-Straw Chewing Habit

    The NFL is cracking down on human-growth hormones. Major League Baseball has had enough of steroids.

   And the NBA? A DallasBasketball.com investigation (seriously) reveals that the NBA is committed to curing basketball of oral fixations. … and therefore Caron Butler – who suddenly is unavailable to go tonight against the Lakers due to a negative reaction to a medication – is going to have to perform without his weird addiction of chewing plastic straws.

   Yes, I’m serious!

   The immediate issue, of course, is Caron’s absence for tonight. Without him, the Mavs will have to scramble to find matchup advantages against the West-leading Lakers.

   But the far-reaching issue is the plastic-straw controversy.

  “They say it’s against the rules,’’ Mavs owner Mark Cuban told DB.com just moments ago. “That’s all I know.’’

   We’ll spend some more time on this as we go. (You know we will! This is serious!) But for the moment, we will ponder why Chancellor Stern – who surely has bigger fish to fry, what with CBA rules-bending and dress-code violations and stuff – would bother with this … now.

    For quite some time during Butler’s pro career, he’s chewed plastic straws (preferably from McDonald’s) at a rate of about 12 per game. As far as we know, he’s done it for scores of Wizards games as he earned a pair of All-Star berths. (Update: In fact, he's done it since he was a teenager.)

    Maybe this can go to arbitration? Maybe Billy Hunter (or Gloria Allred) can get involved. Or maybe Caron can find a stick of gum that tastes like plastic?!

   But there's the scoop.

    So …

   Why is this a problem?

    And why is it a problem now?