514pm may 20 2008

  The UberMan is not without basketball sin. The Hasselhoff joke didn’t play well, the left-shoulder-strap tug is quirky, and his armpit manscaping is awfully metrosexual. Yet, he’s a great player, a good soldier, the conscience of the Mavs and, for damn sure, no coach-killer.

  So when Dirk Nowitzki speaks about the Mavs’ coaching transition, we listen.

  “It's still a players' league,’’ Dirk says. “It's not a league of coaches.’’

  That is the transcendent quote from Nowitzki’s meeting with the media following his appearance at Rick Carlisle’s introductory presser last week. Dirk attempted to take an inconspicuous seat (between equipment manager Al Whitley and Mavs radio voice/DB.com reader Chuck Cooperstein, for those of you trying to fill in your scorecards at home) … but how is a 7-foot-tall heartbeat supposed to hide in a crowd?

  So he didn’t hide. While showing up to support the arrival of the new boss (in exactly the same style he utilized to show up three months ago for Jason Kidd’s media meeting), he played the role of locker-room spokesman. He did so as a show of support for Carlisle. But notably, much of what he said can be interpreted as being so much more.

  “Well, I think we all know that Avery was a little set in his ways,’’ Dirk says. “He had an understanding of basketball very close to what the Spurs were doing when he was there, that's the slow, tough-nosed defense, slow-up basketball. Kind of hold the ball back, run a lot of sets, post up a lot.’’

   Is it Dirk’s intent to drag the former coach under the same bus Avery recently tossed KIDDIRK and the rest of the roster? That doesn’t fit Nowitzki’s rep as a loyal minion. At the same time … that “hold-the-ball-back’’ analysis. … the “set-in-his-ways’’ analysis. … that Spurs reference.  … They sound echoes bouncing around in Nowitzki’s breain. Like Dirk heard “Spurs, Spurs, Spurs’’ over and over again for four years. …

    More Dirk: “I don't think a lot of talking got the job done. I think we just needed to go a different direction. … and that's what happened.’’

  That’s a fair appraisal. You know, in reflection, if we go back and count the number of times the previous coach insisted that “communication is one thing that’s never a problem,’’ our mind is going to confuse Avery Johnson with Strother Martin, the prison-keeper in “Cool Hand Luke.’’

   “What we’ve got here, is. … failure to ca’MUNICATE.’’

   But pointing out Avery’s flaws isn’t the only point here. Attempting to not repeat those mistakes, that is the point. That is the challenge of “Ivory Johnson.’’

   Meanwhile, we will note again that when it comes to the media, Dirk Nowitzki has his own strengths and weaknesses as a communicator. He is, for better or worse, someone who, due to English being his second language, sometimes “rounds off’’ his thoughts for simpler consumption. He is guileless. And he is a truth-teller.

   So we listen to him – and the new coach would be wise to do the same.

   “We need to find a way to make Kidd more efficient for us," Dirk says. "By just dropping the ball in the post and (Kidd) being a weakside shooter, I don't think that really suited his game. We did run some when the opportunity was there, but I think in the halfcourt offense beside posting him a little bit, we've got to find other ways for him to put his stamp on the game. I'm sure that's the coach's job.’’

  This is Dirk talking. Dirk’s mouth moving, anyway. But it also sounds like Kidd talking. Like Kidd, talking basketball with Dirk over the last three months. Talking to him in the gym. In hotel lobbies. On airplanes. Sharing ideas.

   At the same time, it doesn’t take a basketball savant like KIDDIRK to see this, does it? That the Hall-of-Fame point guard must be allowed to “put his stamp on the game’’? I mean, didn’t you see that from Seat 36, Row ZZ, Section 326?

  It’s ironic, in the end and in the beginning, that “communication’’ would be such a central piece to this transition. If you view Dirk as The Franchise then you know what environment most enriches him. It is the environment of loving parents, of close friends who aren’t stars (Dirk spends at least as much time hanging out with the affable Whitley as he does with Kidd), of trustworthy Mavs staffers who have guided him and discovered him (that goes for Donnie as well as women on the secretarial level of the club), and most of all, of mentor Holger Geschwindner. Holger is new-age. “Basketball is Jazz,’’ and all that.

  To Dirk, Basketball is Jazz. Meanwhile, Carlisle sometimes accompanies buddy Bruce Hornsby on stage in the role of the piano player.

    I think we have a match.

  Carlisle, Dirk says, “has been really communicative to me. … I think that's what Avery was missing a little, communicating with the players individually. I think that's the way to go.’’

  Worth noting: There are no signs that Nowitzki ever rebelled against Avery Johnson’s demands, however odd some of them may have seemed (certainly to critics, and maybe to Dirk). Be a post-up player. Be a passer. Be a facilitator. Be “Duncan-like’’ (which was a dirty word to some in the organization all the way back in December.) Change your leadership style.

  A good solider under Avery, is what he was.

  Can he be even a better soldier under Carlisle?

  “He's a great guy, somebody you can talk to," Dirk says. “He's easygoing. I think his knowledge of the game is great. What I liked about it most is he asked me what do I like and what do I want to improve on going forward.’’

  We’ll stay away from whether than means Carlisle’s predecessor too rarely asked Dirk (or Kidd, or Josh) what he “liked to do,’’ whether it means Dirk was never consulted about his skills, his wishes, his future, whether it means we were right in suspecting and writing that Avery valued “system’’ above “players’’?

  “It's still a players' league,’’ Dirk says. “It's not a league of coaches.’’

  That probably says it all, and it comes with an unexpected tip of the cap to Avery Johnson.

  The former coach always wanted Dirk to change his leadership style. He spent four years urging Dirk to be more vocal and more forceful as a leader.

   And now, with these comments, he is.

533pm may 19 2008

    As an ESPN analyst, Rick Carlisle espoused a formula to determine a team’s legitimacy as a contender: A team, he said, must either employ a) three All-Stars, or b) two MVP candidates.

   And. …? So. …?

   Carlisle, in his first official day as the new Mavs coach, joked that he knows he now works for an owner who expects nothing less than to go "82-0 and win a championship."

   To his credit, Carlisle did not attempt to lower the bar of expectations for a team that is 8 x 50. (Eight years straight of 50-wins-plus.) He will, after all, oversee a roster featuring Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Kidd – guys who have been MVP candidates during the course of their careers. He also now coaches Josh Howard, who has played in an All-Star Game, and Jason Terry and Erick Dampier, touted at different moments during their Dallas careers as being star-caliber.

   This is, after all (and no, don’t think I’m going to let management off the hook here) “the best roster we’ve ever assembled in the Cuban Era.’’)

   I found it interesting that Carlisle himself even used the term “the Cuban Era.’’ “This training camp coming up in October is going to be the most important one in the Cuban era,’’ Carlisle said. “This is one of the crucial periods of Mark’s ownership.’’

   That is unusually intuitive of Carlisle; how many coaches think in terms of an owner’s “era’’?    It speaks, I think, to the passion and enthusiasm that Cuban and Donnie Nelson demonstrated in their pursuit of Carlisle (not to mention in their willingness to give him a four-year, $17.5-million contract without even interviewing other candidates). Turns out, within 24 hours of Avery Johnson’s dismissal, Cuban and Donnie took separate flights to Indianapolis to court Carlisle.

   The people in charge obviously believe they have. … well. … the right people in charge.

   Carlisle said his year with ESPN showed him that the network “is the gold standard in sports. For me, it was the greatest sports organization I’ve ever been a part of until today.’’ He called the Mavs a “motivated culture of getting it done and excellence,’’ and added, “The thing I love about Mark is that it was really clear to me early on this guy thinks like a coach. He wants all the best players and he tries to think of everything possible to make the team great.”

   Said Cuban of Carlisle: “He embodies all the good things that the Mavs are looking to accomplish; hard work, ingenuity, creativity and all the good things we like.’’

   Right backatcha, Mark, as Carlisle said on ESPN radio on Thursday morning that Dallas has shown “resourcefulness and creativity in re-inventing’’ the roster over the years.

   OK, so about that re-invention. …

   Dirk is The UberMan. Kidd is an unofficial assistant coach. J-Ho is Carlisle’s dinner companion. Brandon Bass, the fourth member of what the organization calls its “core,’’ becomes the sort of inside force Carlisle has always had. Jet becomes a pocket-sized Reggie Miller, curling off screens to shoot jumpers. Stack plays 15 minutes.

   Is that a legit contender yet?

   “We’ll make some tweaks to this roster,’’ Carlisle said Thursday, “and in October be ready to go to war.’’

   We’ve covered the notion of re-acquiring ‘Gana Diop, of chasing names like C.J. Miles and Mickael Pietrus and Shawn Marion and Jermaine O’Neal and assorted Bobcats. Marc Stein today offers up another notion, Atlanta’s Josh Smith. (Seems like a pipe-dreamy stretch to me.) Ron Artest’s name pops up as somebody coming. Josh Howard’s name pops up as somebody going. (I buy neither of those concepts, either.)

   “We're going to find a way," Carlisle said. "I can't tell you exactly what it's going to be right now. But we are going to find a way.’’

   Quote from Donnie: “With a few tweaks, we can be right there.’’

   Quote from Cubes: “I say this every year: There is one champion and 29 teams are tied for last place. The goal is to win a championship.’’

   Rick also said something about feeling Dallas will “find a way to do better than people think we're going to do. I really do.’’ And that was really the lone chink in the 8-x-50 armor, the suggestion that the Mavs maybe aren’t really all that. Where does that thinking come from? From Avery’s suggestion that the Finals team wasn’t really a Finals team, that the 67-win team wasn’t really a 67-win team, that this year’s playoff entrant wasn’t really a playoff entrant?

   Sorry, Rick. Sorry, fellas. We’re not asking for miracles here. We’re asking for what I’ve always said is the only thing a fan really deserves: A chance to root for a team that has a chance.  

    But inasmuch as Cuban says Carlisle’s strengths include “hard work, ingenuity and creativity.’’ …

   And inasmuch as Carlisle says Cuban’s strengths include “resourcefulness and creativity.’’ …

   There’s really no excuse for the 2008-09 Mavs being anything shy of “a legitimate contender.’’

(props to Jackson on DB.com Boards for the graphic)

1025am may 15 2008

    You’ll have to forgive us.

    Because it was really none of our business. It was none of our business to reveal two weeks ago that Avery Johnson lived at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Uptown, none of our business to mention that he resided specifically in Suite 1402, none of our business to note that he has what a friend-of-ours-in-the-know says is the bad-assed’est sound system of all-time, and none of our business to reveal that the pad is worth around $2 mil. (That based on what the suite next door was appraised at.)

    But now that Avery is selling his place – for $4,475,000! – it’s our business.

    What? Maybe we’re shopping for real estate! You think we're gonna live in Mama Fish's basement forever?

    We were first turned on to the fact that “Avery’s Abode’’ is on the market by our pals at D Magazine. From there, the 75-Member Staff went to work, and here you go, the official listing with Ebby Halliday. We must say: We cannot figure out why Avery thinks his $2 mil condo is suddenly worth $4 mil. Avery is leaving the furnishings, but. … there can’t be $2,475,000 worth of couches and mirrors, can there? Maybe Avery The Celebrity thinks his reputation as “a man of honesty and integrity’’ will allow him to pull 2-million-dollars worth of wool over some poor schmuck’s eyes?

   Lemme get this straight: We can buy Suite 1404 for $2 million. ... or we can buy Avery's old place -- and remember, he's what the Realtors call a "motivated seller,'' with no real need or desire to hang out two blocks from the AAC anymore. Plus, we thought this was a "tough market''?

   Anyway, llet’s take a tour! …

   Avery’s living room:

     We hate the ornamental thing hanging from the ceiling, if anybody asks.

     Avery’s other living room:

    Problem: Where are all the TVs, for the film study and the late-night West Coast games, and the WII?

    Avery’s kitchen:

   And finally, scroll back up to the top, and there is the rather tiny master bedroom. (Tiny, befitting The Lil' General?) About the bedroom -- and we say this motivated by the memory of Cliché-vry Johnson – that is where the magic happens.

   An extra $2.475 million worth of magic, apparently.

1249pm may 13 2008

     Snappy sound bites. Bread-is-buttered acknowledgments. A pinch of X’s-and-O’s. Respect for where the Mavs have been. And reasoned optimism regarding the future. Rick Carlisle, in a quickie visit with present employer ESPN regarding his future employment, can obviously talk the talk.

     “We feel we’re pretty close,’’ Carlisle said during a weekend studio-set visit with SportsCenter anchor John Buccigross, who’d asked him about the possibility of a Mavs return to the NBA Finals under his coming watch.

     Reasoned optimism? Check.

     “We have a great owner in Mark Cuban, obviously,’’ Carlisle said.

     Bread-is-buttered acknowledgment? Check. (Turns out, the blue golf shirt worn on air by Carlisle featured a Mavs logo -- and was borrowed from the closet of none other than Cuban himself.)

     The Mavs feature “Two Hall-of-Fame players in Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Kidd,’’ Carlisle continued, “and I think, more importantly, the opportunity to have Jason Kidd there on the first day of training camp on through.’’

     More bread-is-buttered stuff? Check. And check.

     “From my standpoint,’’ Carlisle said, “this is an opportunity for me to coach a different kind of team in terms of personnel. I’ve had power-post-up teams. I see this as more of a movement-type team. … plays for Dirk, lot of guys involved.’’ …

      Bread-is-buttered acknowledgments? And a pinch of X’s-and-O’s? Check. And check. (We’re preparing a study of what constitutes a ‘Carlisle Motion Offense,’ but this remark satisfies for now.)

      Said Carlisle: “We can’t forget about the defensive end of the court. Avery Johnson did a great job establishing that.’’

      More X’s-and-O’s? Respect for where the Mavs have been? Check, and check, as the baton is transferred from Avery Johnson to Ivory Johnson.

     “So,’’ Carlisle concluded, “I’m excited. A great opportunity. I’m looking forward to it.’’

And there’s Rick Carlisle’s pre-press conference press conference. He tips his cap to the owner, he tips his cap to Avery, he makes certain the fans understand that the lofty goals are not changing, and he name-checks Dirk and Kidd. … twice each.

      Rick Carlisle, smiling, assertive and after a year as an ESPN analyst very polished, can obviously talk the talk.

     Time to begin the walk.

111pm may 12 2008

NORMAN, Okla. -- Even at 70, the controversial Barry Switzer remains a roguish alpha male.  We go one-0n-one with one of our all-time favorite rascals. …

The legendary coach – “legendary,’’ anyway, to fans who appreciate his three national titles at Oklahoma and his Super Bowl win with the Cowboys – still talks without a filter and charms without an effort while serving as an unofficial ambassador for his favorite school, the state of Oklahoma and football in general.

That’s why FOX included Switzer on its studio show last year, pairing him as a “Grumpy Old Man’’ with long-time friend/nemesis Jimmy Johnson. But Switzer told me on Friday that while the network is still negotiating with him about a role, FOX may replace him on its totem pole with another legendary name.

“Well, they’re talking to Favre,’’ said Switzer as we both attended OU’s Honorary Degree luncheon on the school’s campus. “I still think they want me involved in some way. But with Brett. … they might pair him in a segment with (Terry) Bradshaw, I don’t know. … It’s a lot of fun for me, but there’s only so much time (available) on that show. And, hey, he’s Brett Favre!’’

A Packer beating out a Cowboy? That’s a rare occurrence. But don’t weep for Switzer; he has carved out for himself an incredible life, his “Bucket List’’ likely completed long ago. He and Becky, a celebrity in her own right as OU’s long-time gymnastics coach, own a gorgeous home within walking distance of Memorial Stadium. Beyond his financial successes in football – “Jerry was pretty generous to me, you might remember,’’ he chuckled -- Switzer is involved in various businesses, including diagnostic imaging centers, oil-and-gas development, real estate and radio.

“Basically,’’ he laughed, “I’m self-employed.’’

Switzer said he has fond memories of his time with the Cowboys, but rarely makes the trip south to Dallas anymore. He was at the team’s recent minicamp at Valley Ranch, where he told reporters that Jones had offered him a job, “But four years of his b.s. is enough.’’

No, Oklahoma is his place, Oklahomans his people. There’s no security gate in front of his home. There are no bodyguards. His name graces one of the buildings on campus. The football program experienced its notorious problems under his watch; maybe lessons have been learned. These folks view his legacy, though, as the Sooners’ three national championships (1974, 1975, 1985) and his incredible record of 157-29-4.

Despite his 45-26 record over four seasons with the Cowboys, some in Dallas don’t have the same fond recollections, but again, for the record, he is one of just two men to win a college national title and a Super Bowl. The other, of course, is Jimmy.

Despite his age and what he would unabashedly admit was a honky-tonk’ing lifestyle, Switzer appears to have little wear-and-tear on him; might his omnipresent red wine be a fountain of youth? He’s fit, still built like a bull, and appears only to be enduring that ever-present stiff neck. (If you ever approach him, do so from his left; he can’t turn his head to the right.)

“She doesn’t have to wheel me around, not yet,’’ Barry said, nodding toward his wife.

And then he handed me his business card.

“I got my first business cards printed up just two years ago; I never had ‘em before that,’’ he said, and of course, the guileless Switzer has included on his card his personal email address and cell phone number. Also on the card: An “OU’’ logo and the Cowboys’ star.

“When you see Jerry,’’ Switzer concluded, “tell him I used the star. I didn’t even ask permission. But I figure I got that much coming to me, right?’’

455pm may 9 2008

   My hairy-chested takes begin with a fistful of NBA Coaching Carousel facts of which, frankly, readers of DB.com are already well aware.

   ITEM: 1. Carlisle-to-Mavs will be done when his agent gets here. 2. The Suns will part ways with D’Antoni, who will go to Chicago. 3. Phoenix has no interest in Avery, who is interviewing with the Knicks, who are 4. nevertheless all-but locked into Mark Jackson. 5. Flip Saunders could get bumped from Detroit if the Pistons win big, in which case 5. Dallas will experience some Rick Remorse. 6. JVG really isn’t going to coach, 7. Sam Vincent and 8. Eddie Jordan should feel a little itchy, and 9. Tom Thibodeau will still get an interview somewhere.

   Those nine stories are all making the rounds as of Wednesday morning. I note will all due humility (translation: none) that DallasBasketball.com readers were already aware of each of those NBA Coaching Carousel facts five and six days ago.

   Where is my raise, dammit!?

   ITEM: I don’t have permission to reveal much yet; the two players’ agents want to pick through my conversations with the guys before we go ahead and write it. So I’ll just tease you a little bit:
   There is no shortage of superstar NFL defensive linemen that would like to leave their present clubs to become Cowboys. One of the two guys is not a perfect fit because he’s a 4-3 guy. The other one, though, is to die for. And he’d just about die to be in Dallas.

   Stay tuned.
   ITEM: “Triangle of Trust’’ seems to be catching on. T-shirts, anybody?

   ITEM: My skillionth effort to prove to you that Jerry Jones is a genius: Hanging around this weekend’s rookie minicamp at Valley Ranch: Emmitt Smith to advise running backs; Roger Staubach to comment on some kids’ character; Barry Switzer to tap the keg.
   Jerry knows how to throw a minicamp! They were a few speakers and Snoop Dogg away from Mitch-a-palooza.
   ITEM: I say this as a mediot long viewed as a defender of Cowboys misbehavior: Marvin Harrison may be Exhibit 1,900,765 of how you can’t always easily define a “good guy’’ vs. a “bad guy.’’
   ITEM: He’s a good dude, so I’m really happy for Marty Turco. But with the nemesis Red Wings on the horizon, I’m prepared to be really sad for Marty Turco.

   ITEM: Your reaction to the news about backup QB Richard Bartel’s weight change reveals whether you are a glass-is-half-empty Cowboys fan or a glass-is-half-full Cowboys fan. Bartel has dropped 30 pounds since last season?
   a) Wow! What a hard worker! He must’ve really spent a lot of time tailoring his body to the needs of the team!
   b) Bartel weights 230 now. He lost 30 pounds. Wow. … last year he must’ve looked like John Daly with his shirt off.
   ITEM: Dave Campo is back. … and so is HBO’s Hard Knocks.
   Coincidence?
   ITEM: Frequent readers will understand the magnitude of this, me being the guy who has spent a decade referring to the man almost exclusively as “The Drama Queen’’: Kobe in an MVP landslide feels fine to me.

   ITEM: Maybe if Roger Clemens conducts JUST ONE MORE INTERVIEW, he can finally talk his way out of this mess. Talk some more, Rog. Douche.

   ITEM: Jerry on Felix: “He's got one of those nice bubble butts.’’
   We all know exactly what it means. But just like the cheerleaders being “the pick of the litter,’’ and just like Aikman “looks good in the shower,’’ … well. … you can take the boy out of Arkansas insurance sales, but you can’t take the Arkansas insurance sales out of the boy.
   ITEM: Here’s the tentative schedule for Dallas Cowboys OTAs and the minicamp:
   May 20, 21 and 22 OTAs (5/21 tentatively scheduled for media access)
   May 27, 28 and 29 OTAs (5/28 tentatively scheduled for media access)
   June 3, 4 and 5 OTAs (6/4 tentatively scheduled for media access)
   June 10, 11 and 12 OTAs (6/11 tentatively scheduled for media access)
   June 17, 18 and 19 Minicamp (open to the media)
   ITEM: Why can’t David West keep his hands away from other men’s faces?

   ITEM: Romessica might be engaged.  But for sure, she’s writing a love song about him. Awwww. I’m getting more and more comfortable with all this as we progress steadily to the aisle. But I can’t help but think it’s a puppy love. … that she spends her days drawing pink hearts next to practiced “Jessica Romo’’ autographs.

   ITEM: “Yes’’ on “Iron Man.’’
   ITEM: Emmitt on MB3: "I think he spends a lot of energy that may not be necessary. I’m all about putting your heart into it. But you’re doing a lot of kicking, running up, bucking and you’re exerting a lot of energy. We need you for four quarters – and I’m going to say ‘we’ because I’m a Cowboy, too: We need you for four quarters. If Marion has to carry the load for four quarters, there’s no way he can handle it.’’
   Good stuff. Of course, Emmitt, that’s one “leopard who can’t change his stripes.’’
   Maybe we should work on another Cowboy’s style. Here’s Emmitt on Pacman: As long as you're not killing anybody, getting anybody shot at and going to jail, then I don't have any issues."
   Now, that seems a tad more realistic.

740am may 7 2008

As the boys on DB.com Boards point out, Holger Geschwindner is Obi Wan Kenobi. Or maybe Yoda; my Star Wars organizational chart is all in knots. My German isn’t much better, so The 75-Member Staff (especially those based on Dirk’s homeland) are invaluable in translating a fresh interview from Holger regarding the Mavs and his prized pupil, Dirk Nowitzki.

And this much I know: Whatever Holger is, whatever the Mavs are. … Dirk is a Jedi Knight.

Here, you get the ‘Q,’ you get the ‘A,’ and you get the ‘Fish’:

Q: Mr. Geschwindner, were you surprised by the first round exit of the Mavs?
A: Not surprised, but it could have been prevented if Nowitzkis teammates would have performed, too.

FISH: Ouch. This is true enough; I might say that the planned No. 1 guy on the Mavs totem pole (Dirk) was fine. And that the planned No. 9 guy on the Mavs totem pole (Bass) was fine. It was just spots 2-though-8 who goofed.

Still. … ouch. This is as close as Holger comes in this interview to taking a real shot at anybody. Unnecessarily, I say.

Q: Did the Mavs have the worse team compared to the Hornets?
A: No, you can't say it like that.

FISH: He’s speaking German. So we can’t say it in any way that we can all understand. But I think we get the point. I happen to agree with Holger. … though the Spurs are starting to prove us both wrong.

Q: Did the coach Avery Johnson make mistakes?
A: Hard to say. You can't go too far on that topic. In the end, the coach got fired 24 hours later and maybe there was talk with a new coach before that time. The Mavs felt like they had to take consequences.

FISH: Holger so clams up here that I assume he, too, is a part of the Triangle of Trust gentlemen’s agreement to avoid “mudslogging.’’ (I’m trying to imagine a conversation between Holger and Avery, inasmuch as neither of them exactly speak good English.)

Q: Would the Mavs have a chance to win the title in 2009 with this roster?
A: No, they were lucky that Nowitzki came back so fast after his injury or they wouldn't have made the playoffs. The alternatives are: a new a coach has a certain style and he has the players to implement it, or not. Or, he makes the best out of the players he has.

FISH: Totally lost in translation – not due to the language, but due, I think, to a misunderstanding of the question. The Q is about 2009 (next year). The A is about a week ago.

Q: But both methods didn't work apparently.
A: Maybe a different coach would have a mad a more homogeneous team out of the players - very possible. Maybe that's what the Mavs thought, too.

FISH: Bingo. Though this is the first time the word “homogeneous’’ has ever been used in a basketball conversation.

 Q: The contract situations make trades difficult.
A: You never know, the summer is long...

FISH: OK, Holger is Yoda. Only he should’ve said, “Long is the summer.’’

Q: What position needs an upgrade?
A: It's not our job to think about that. We try to determine what is expected of Dirk and accomplish it. We don't have any demands, with the trades, too. It's not like soccer, where a player says he wants to go, to get a title elsewhere.

FISH: Thank God. Seriously, this attitude is Dirk’s core. A good soldier, that UberMan.

Q: Nowitzki's talked about getting trading himself.
A: He is a professional and knows, that he can be traded any time. He has a contract till 2011, and it's basically just starting because Cuban gave him a 3 year extension 1.5 years ago.

FISH: The interviewer didn’t understand Dirk’s original remarks, which were made out of modesty, not out of disillusionment or because his future is unclear.

Q: What do you think of Rick Carlisle, the next coach of the Mavs?
A: From what I know, he didn't work as a coach the last two years. At least he knows how to handle a difficult situation - he was a coach in Indiana and Detroit.

FISH: Somewhere in here, Holger uses the word “krisengeschüttelt’’ to describe Carlisle. The “krisen…’’ means “crisis.’’ The “geschüttelt’’ part means “proven,’’ “experienced.’’ Point being, Carlisle’s been through the basketball wars. I wish I could ask Holger if he thinks that when Avery was faced with a basketball war. ... he changed hotels.

Q: How should a new Coach use Nowitzki?
A: You have to ask that question the other way around. What does the new coach expect of Nowitzki? Dirk will do everything to implement those wishes.

FISH: I love it. Dirk may be a highly powerful employee around here, a highly valued employee. … but he is NOT the "assistant GM.'' And he is not the coach’s boss. Now, we'll discuss at a later date whether Kidd will ever apply for that job. ...  

Q: Does the early exit influence the road to the Olympics?
A: Not at all, it would have been difficult if the Mavs would have come far in the playoffs. He would have had a very short break. If he is in Germany at the end of next week, we will sit together and make a decent plan. Then we will know what the coach of the national team wants to do, too.

FISH: I don’t care. Just tape your ankles, kid.

Q: Does he have to adapt to the international play?
A: Dirk has to get away from the first step before the dribbling - it's travelling in international play. That is the most important part.

FISH: “Before The Dribbling.’’ Another T-shirt slogan that I’ll never get around to?

Q: What does he do in the break?
A: He doesn't really take a break, he plays tennis. He has some responsibilities with the Mavs, too.

FISH: A world-class athlete who is also a 7-0 tennis player. Where’s my old racquet? I’ll kick his ass.

Q: Did you recommend books to Dirk again?
A: More than he can read. He is half-way interested in reading. Good, that it worked out that way. If someone does a job with such an intensity, he needs a balance.

FISH: May I recommend “Aspire Higher’’?

1121am may 6 2006

Avery Johnson doesn’t like bosses who yell. Some creative (misguided?) folks still want to trade J-Ho. Romessica is writing a love song. And just to be fair, we have some snide nicknames for the incoming coach, too. Time to make the donuts. A baker’s dozen. …

DONUT 1 Avery’s pathetic inability to simply shake Dallas hands and say goodbye continues with this story in the NY Post in which Ben Jobe essentially serves as Avery’s bag man. … er, campaign manager. Take away what you will from it. As I do. …

* Avery thinks somebody ELSE yelled a lot? Hi-larious. (Yet Cuban DOES yell. How dare he!)

* As DB.com has reported exclusively, there was a gentlemen’s agreement between the Mavs and Johnson to avoid 'mudslinging.' (the EXACT word used to explain it to me.) Then came Avery's parting presser, in which he said he wouldn't drag people’s names “through the mud.’’ What, you think the choice of the 'mud' theme was a coincidence? The man simply cannot help himself.

* Avery might indeed be “relieved’’ to be gone, as Ben Jobe told the paper. I wouldn't blame him: High-pressure job, didn't have a fun year, even the players that love him as a person saw he needed to go. “Relieved’’ isn't a bad thing.

*  Of course, Avery apparently has no idea -- assuming that pressure in general is so excruciating to him -- what awaits him in, say, NY or Chicago. You find out about a person’s character when they are in pressure situations. The Lil’ Genital faced pressure as a Dallas coach a few times. Once, under pressure, he inexplicably changed hotels in the middle of the NBA Finals. Later, under pressure, he cancelled a practice before an elimination game in New Orleans.

* If the Post story comes true, and Mr. Jobe’s campaign works, and Avery becomes the Knicks coach (he won’t; but “if’’), I predict, due to the pressure that is New York, coach Avery Johnson's Knicks are going to be switching hotels and cancelling a lot of practices this year.

* Now who is Mr. Ben Jobe again? Oh yeah. He was Avery's coach at Southern, he is the man who is enjoying a rare and deserved moment in the spotlight, and he is the fellow who considers Avery Johnson's future success as The Ben Jobe Legacy.

And he favors Avery's side of a story? Wow. I'm shocked.

DONUT 2 Top Avery Johnson nicknames created by The 75-Member Staff:

*The Miracle Worker

* Cliche-vry Johnson
* The Black Carlisle
* The Lil' Johnson
* Red Auerblack.
* Popovich Went The Weasel

* The Lil’ Genital

* Stay Gone'r Longer
* IvIrI jIhnsIn

DONUT 3 And just so as to be fair and balanced, sure. We’ll make fun of Rick Carlisle, too.

Carlisle is a defensive-minded control freak who reigns in the offense and calls every play?
Fine, says our man RJT.

He's hereby christened “Ivory Johnson.’’

DONUT 4 Four guys on DB.com Boards are also prepared for the Rick Carlisle Era in terms of technology. So we’re all saving our pennies so we can claim a certain web domain. You guessed it.

FIRECARLISLE.COM.

DONUT 5 There is no J-Ho trade in the front of the Mavs’ minds, for reasons we’ve detailed on DB.com in the last week. Now we give you another reason: In Miami, they think they might get Josh in exchange for Udonis Haslem. http://blogs.sun-sentinel.com/sports_basketball_heat/2008/05/no-joshing-when.html

DONUT 6 Congratulations, Stars. Yes, I stayed up ‘til 1:40. My friend Will wants me to write, “The Fourth Was With Them.’’ So I’m writing it.

DONUT 7 My man Dan Shanoff writes sarcastically, “nothing energizes a fan base like hiring a guy who can't win the Eastern Conference.’’ 

 In fairness: In consecutive seasons, Rick Carlisle guided TWO DIFFERENT TEAMS to conference finals berths. Go attack Carlisle for whatever flaws he has. But guiding his teams to contention is not one of them.

DONUT 8 My skillionth effort to prove to you that Jerry Jones is a genius: Hanging around this weekend’s rookie minicamp at Valley Ranch: Emmitt Smith to advise running backs; Roger Staubach to comment on some kids’ character; Barry Switzer to tap the keg.

DONUT 9 For what it’s worth: On Oct. 12, 2007, InsideHoops.com issued its “Available Coach Rankings: http://www.insidehoops.com/coaches.shtml

  (The best jobless coaches).’’ The top six were Jeff Van Gundy, Rick Carlisle, Mike Fratello, Larry Brown, Dwane Casey, Terry Stotts.

If everything goes according to plan, the Mavs will have snapped up three of them.

DONUT 10 I’m not exactly an animal lover; I barely even like people. But I am completely lost on the Eight Belle controversy. Horses run. Don’t they? When horses ran wild 500 years ago, and broke their legs – because horses do run and they do break their ankles and their legs, they just do, don’t they? – what happened to them out in the wild?

So why is a horse being euthanized “inhumane’’ and “uncivilized?

Again, I’m not pretending I know. I’m asking for a horsey education here.

DONUT 11 Every Mavs fan is like me, right? Rooting for CP3 and NO over The 5purs?

DONUT 12 Most of the media outlets in town are now absorbing the facts and figures of DB.com’s largely-exclusive Avery-to-Carlisle coverage into their reports. We’re trying to avoid doing that by giving tidbit credit (hi, Stein!) where it’s due, and by not pretending we don’t know what we don’t. For instance: I have NO IDEA if Dirk really met with Carlisle.  

DONUT 13 Roger Clemens apologizes. While at the same time not really having done anything that wrong. Oh, and the sex with a 15-year-old? “Nothing could be further from the truth,’’ he says, and here’s why The Rocket should stop this: He had sex with Miss McCready at SOME point. Did he wait until she was 17? Maybe 18? Two or three years might make it more legal. But “nothing could be further from the truth’’? When the distance to the truth is two or three years?

1033am may 5 2008

  Free-form. Free-wheeling. Free-for-all. Free-of-charge. …

   DIRK VS. AVERY: We start with Randy Galloway’s well-crafted and insightful column on Avery’s departure – and how the was kinda orchestrated by Dirk.  It’s a blockbuster, really. Now, it’s Randy writing while Avery dictates, of course, but there’s nothing wrong with that. And Ol’ Randy might be keeping his guy Avery in too many layers of bubblewrap here.

   Still, the column offers Avery’s perspective. And even with its biases, it rings of lots of truth.

   Randy’s accusation that it was Dirk, not Avery, who didn’t understand the concept of “partnership’’ spins like $500 hubcap. Gallo’s labeling of the notion that Avery lost the team as “garbage’’ seems overprotective in light of the fact that Avery himself now even admits to the non-crime. Gallo’s claim that “Dirk is the power broker in all this’’ is … well, we all – you, me,     Randy – have spent a decade begging Dirk to “step up.’’

   And if Randy’s right. … Dirk has stepped up to help run off a coach who was out of gas.

P.S.: And here’s a question for all of us, fans and media, who have our loyalties, our connections, our friends and our favorites: If it did come down to “Dirk vs. Avery,’’ which side are you on?

   Mr. Randy?

   POWER-MAD DIRK: We’ll know for sure that The UberMan has gone all Avery-level-power-crazy on us all if today the Mavs hold a press conference to announce that the new head coach of your Dallas Mavericks is … Holger.

   Calm down. That’s sarcasm.

   ON CREDIBILITY: Donnie, Cuban, Dirk, Marc Stein, Chuck Cooperstein (if you listen very closely) and that dolt Fish are all now singing pretty much the same tune.

Even if you think I should be booted of “A-Maverick-an Idol,’’ you really want to boot off that whole chorus?

   Really, just because I’ll never be as smooth and successful and talented as noted balla Jean-Jacques Taylor doesn’t mean squirrel can’t find occasional nut.

   COACH DONNIE: He’d be great. He doesn’t want it. If they get all the way down their list, all the way down to Mike Fratello waaaaay down there, and the Mavs don’t have a coach, Donnie will be the good soldier and fill the role. And his locker room will dig that.

   Another P.S., to the national media: When you are trying to look smart and insightful about Donnie Nelson, do not write that he’s “Don Jr.’’ Dad’s birthname is “Donald’’; son’s birthname is “Donn.’’ No “junior’’ possible.

   I know, I know. Big Nellie’s a weirdo, huh?! I'm gonna name my next son "Mikke.''

   GO (DOWN) PISTONS!: Knowing that Flip has such sound credentials, but that he’s not presently on the Mavs’ short list, don’t you kind of wish Detroit would hurry up and lose so Flip COULD be on the list?

   BETS ON D’ANTONI: At midnight last night, I was willing to bet any amount of money that Mike Dan Tony would be breaking up with Phoenix today. PLEASE BET ME! Baby needs new shoes!

   ‘A SABOTEURING A-HOLE’: In a fit and free of self-editing constraints because I wrote it on DB.com Boards instead of on the oh-so-journalistically-sound front page, I referred to Avery as ‘a saboteuring a%&hole.’’

   I meant it only because he left town attempting to destroy Kidd and everybody associated with the Kidd trade.

   But now, after reading Randy’s column, it goes double.

   Kidd sucks(!) and Dirk’s disloyal(!)

   Sad that Avery has pretty much carved those words onto his own Dallas gravestone.

   SEFKO AND JVG: Eddie Sefko with a fine piece of insight into Jeff Van Gundy not wanting the job. I’ll stick with my belief that he could/should still have a free lunch on Tony Cubes before shutting the door. But I’m also thinking that Eddie and JVG are old Rockets guys, that Eddie is a sly old fox, and that his pipeline to JVG might be pretty direct.

    THE CAINE MUTINY: I’ve used the reference all year. You young people have apparently spent the whole year not getting the joke. Do some friggin’ research! The strawberries! The ball bearings! The mutiny! Kids, it’s not all about “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,’’ men foofing their nuts and berries and whatnot, OK?

    Damn kids nowadays.

   THE MAVS’ GHOSTS: Will Avery do well elsewhere? Of course, because as Richie Whitt points out, every ex-Mav ALWAYS does well.

   AVERY WITH A YOUNG TEAM?: On the surface, it sounds viable. He says “jump,’’ and all that. And, ask any man who’s ever re-married: You are a better husband the second time around. (Or in my case, maybe someday, the seventh.)
   However, national media people who make this assumption (Legler, I’m looking at you, punk) have clearly not taken a hard look at this. Ask Mavs staffers if they think Avery is a “developer of young talent.’’ Ask Devin. Ask all the 35-year-olds sitting in the middle of the bench.

   A MIKE DAN TONY STAFF: Well, that’s three guys right there.

   Yes, he could hire a “defensive coordinator.’’ But D’Antoni’s got a staff, it includes his brother, and blood is thicker than Del Harris’ gorgeous hair.

   I think Del Harris is leaving us.

   Del, we hardly knew ye.

   Well, actually, WE knew ye.

   Avery hardly knew ye.

   ‘MY ORGANIZATIONAL BLUEPRINT’: Hey will somebody down at AAC hustle up the hill to the Ritz-Carlton and double-check Avery’s baggage? ‘Cause I’d sure hate for him to sneak outta town with the all-important “My Organizational Blueprint.’’

    Doesn’t that sound Kindergarden’y? Like, “My First Chapter Book’’ or, “My Everybody Poops Coloring Book’’?

   FISH INTENSITY: So why, I’m asked, am I putting so much effort into these stories to fill space on this humble website? Let me count the ways:

lots of reasons for me to be telling these stories.
1. It's making me wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.
2. The arrogant ass that I was, am and apparently always will be enjoys the journalistic competition.
3. Truth Good. Lies Bad.
4. It's not Vikings season yet. I'm bored.
5. I don’t golf.
6. Hearing my name mentioned on the radio is a Norm-gasmic experience.

7. Maybe discussing what was wrong will make it less likely that the mistakes will be repeated.

   On a related note: If I knew how to work my damn camera phone, I’d take a picture of all the bar napkins with all the scribbles.

   Bill Ingram uses cameras and recorders and time machines and wind tunnels.

   I use bar napkins.

   MORE GOOD WORK BY RANDY: David Lord hands me this exchange between Ol’ Randy and Donnie on the radio yesterday:

   Paraphrased Q: Are you saying you were mostly against the Kidd trade? (Gallo seems to be leading Donnie in an anti-Kidd, pro-Avery direction)
   DONNIE: No not at all, I was absolutely in favor of it. … We do everything together. There isn't a (personnel) decision that was made that 3 people didn't check off on....Mark, Avery, and myself. When we leave the smoky room, it's unanimous or we don't go forward."
   Q, paraphrased: Avery seemed to us to imply that he might have been against the Kidd trade. He was for it?
   DONNIE: (verbatim): "Yeah. We were unanimous. We're together or we don't do it."

   That’s how the relationship, the organizational chart, has always been described to me, and then last night, I was informed that if there was any real reluctance to pull off the Kidd trade, it was by Donnie, and it was over Diop being a part of it.

   See, sometime we all have to drop our agendas and drop our swords and just LISTEN.

   TOUGH TO GET PAST: Here’s where I’m spinning my wheels (and thus “slamming the mud,’’ as Johnson said in his final-but-glorious “Cliché’vry’s Down-Home Crackerbarrel Cajun Malaprops”: Let’s pretend he WAS against the trade.

   That makes his parting shots even less excusable. It makes him MORE of a dick.

   Either way, Avery lying or Avery truthing, he’s being a dick.

   THE AVERY CAMP IN KNOTS: As the few fine folks left in the Avery Camp scramble to untwist their allegiances (“Wait. … If I’m FOR Avery, now I have to be AGAINST Dirk? Oh SHIT!!’’) … I give you the following:

   An Avery presser quote: “Before we made the trade, I talked to Mark and Donnie. I said: 'Hey, I've got to get a point guard.' That's why I wanted to develop Devin Harris.’’

   Got it? When Avery said that, I wrote it in my notebook, exactly like that.
   Then I got home, dug through the bar napkins, read my doodlings, and figured he meant:

   “Before we made the trade, I talked to Mark and Donnie. I said: 'Hey, I've GOT a point guard.'    That's why I wanted to develop Devin Harris.’’

   Note the diff. See my confusion?

   See Avery’s confusion, quite possibly, as he catches himself in his own icky web?

   Before they made the trade, Avery probably DID say,
   'Hey, I've GOT to GET a point guard.'
   GET a point guard.
   Think about it: Why would he say, 'Hey, I've GOT to GET a point guard'  -- and he himself claims he said -- if he already had the prizes PG he now claims he wanted all along in Devin?
   Keep untwisting, Avery Camp.

   IF NOT EARLY, EVER: A 75-Member Staffer turns me on to this, which we believe to be true: If a coach doesn’t win a title in his first few years, he NEVER wins one with that team.

Think back. Take a mental inventory. Sound about right?

   THE MAVS’ CORE: In their words, “Dirk, Kidd, Josh and Bass.’’ That doesn’t mean there aren’t other pieces. Damp and Jet are pieces (but they’re tough to move). ‘Course, that’s still only six guys.

   Nine more and we got ourselves a team.

   AVERY VS. NELLIE: Why am I so mad about Avery but only sad about Nellie’s departure? Because Nellie’s faults were obvious. You knew what you were getting into. You knew he would built it, you knew he would grow uncomfortable with being the overdog, you knew he’s play a lot of golf, you knew he’s feign retirement, you knew he’d eventually try to escape with    Fort Knox.

   Nellie’s attempts at craftiness were predictable. And crafty.